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Funny Quotes #1
Funny Military Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Go to Funny Quotes page 2

I can't guarantee that these funny quotes are correct or true,
but I have tried to verify as many of the funny quotes as possible.
Please contact me if you find any errors in the humorous/funny quotes,
have some additional information about the funny quotes
or if you know any funny military quotes that's not listed here.

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Enjoy the Humorous/Funny Quotes!

"Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally."
Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine...
- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook

"The best tank terrain is that without anti-tank weapons." 
-Russian military doctrine.


...At a prewar diplomatic conference, the Nazi Foreign Minister Ribbentrop "sniffed" to Eden and Churchill that if there was another war, the Italians would be on Germany's side!
To which Churchill supposedly replied: "that seems only fair, we had them last time!"...

"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General

Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
.... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.

In 1836, the Creek and Seminole Indian tribes in Georgia and Florida were waging war against the United States. The U. S. Army had its hands full. The Fifth Commandant of the Marine Corps offered the services of a regiment of Marines for duty with the Army. Henderson placed himself in command and, taking virtually the entire available strength of the Corps, left for the extended campaign after tacking a terse message on his office door which read:
"Have gone to Florida to fight Indians.
Will be back when War is over.

A. Henderson
Col. Commandant"


The best armor is staying out of gun-shot. 
-Italian proverb


Funny Quotes From Bumper Stickers

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the use of high explosives.
- Bumper Sticker

You can have my gun when you pry it from my paranoid, mentally disturbed, physically-abusive, cold, dead hand.
- Bumper sticker

"Don't tell mom I'm a pilot, she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse"
- Bumper sticker


Funny Uknown Quotes

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn
- Unknown

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for
- Unknown

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day
- Unknown

Draft beer, not people
- Unknown

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, and a lot of bitching."

"Artillery is the King of battle: the King cannot
swim, however, which is why we need you guys."
(USMC arty specialist to a group of Navy officers in an Amphib
Warfare Indoc course.)


Funny Latin Quotes

Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum
Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe.

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head


Funny Quotes about Air planes and Aircrafts

"Airplanes can barely keep themselves in the air. How can they then carry any kind of load?"
- William Pickering, Astronomer (1908)

"Airplanes suffers from so many technical faults that it is only a matter of time before any reasonable man realizes that they are useless!"
- Scientific American (1910)

"No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris." 
- Orville Wright.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch [Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre] (circa 1911)
He was Supreme Commander of Allied forces, 1918

"Aviation is good for sport, but for the Army it is useless!"
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch

"To throw bombs from an airplane will do as much damage as throwing bags of flour. It will be my pleasure to stand on the bridge of any ship while it is attacked by airplanes."
- Newton Baker, US minister of defense (1921)

Funny Submarine quotes

"Yes, it is possible!"
-William Bourne, English inventor. (1578) He also points out that submarines can be an effective weapon in wartime.

"The only thing that will happen is that the vessel will sink, and suffocate the crew"
- H. G. Wells, English writer(1902) (Submarines had been used since ca. 1850)

"Even if a submarine should work by a miracle, it will never be used. No country in this world would ever use such a vicious and petty form of warfare!"
- William Henderson, British admiral(1914)

Funny Quotes about Radio Communication

"If two people can't see each other, then it's impossible to communicate"
- Unknown roman warfare expert (63 ad.)

"Samuel Morse most have lost his mind if he believes in this idea himself!"
- Senator Oliver Hampton Smith, (1842)
after having seen a demonstration of Morse's new invention.

"It is only righteous that Joshua Coppersmiths, who has tried to find investors to finance the development of a so-called telephone, is arrested for fraud!"
- An article in the Boston Post (1865)

"The radio has no future!"
- Lord Kelvin, British Mathematician(1897) 

"Use your time on something useful. All radios this country will ever need can easily fit on my desk!"
- W.W. Dean, director of the American phone company "W.W. Dean"(1907), to Lee DeForrest (one of radios first pioneers) 

"Radio is just a fashion contrivance that will soon die out. It is obvious that there never will be invented a proper receiver!"
- Thomas Edison

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" 
- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s

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