Funny Military Quotes #2
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but I have tried to verify as many of the funny quotes as possible.
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or if you know any funny military quotes that's
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Funny Quotes, Alphabetically listed
God is my Armour!"
- Gustavus Adolphus, refusing the steel body armour offered by his aides.
At the Battle of Lützen (where he was killed), 16. September 1632.
The reason he didn't want to
wear armour is
that he had been wounded in Dirschau, Poland,
and couldn't wear armour because of that wound.
He refused to stay in camp despite that he couldn't wear armour.
trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form into
teams we would be reorganized. I was to learn in this life that we tend to meet
any situation by reorganizing. And a wonderful method it can be for creating the
illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and
-Wrongly attributed to Petronius Arbiter, Roman hedonist, about 60 A.D.
It is not found anywhere in his works. The earliest known occurrence seems to be
in the British occupation force in Germany after WWII. The quote is believed to
be a fabrication from this time.
"I'd rather go down
the river with seven studs than with a hundred shitheads"
- Colonel Charlie Beckwith
making no goddamn cornflakes here."
-Col. Charlie Beckwith, founder of Delta Force
"Tanks are easily
identified, easily engaged, much-feared targets which attract all the fire on
the battlefield. When all is said and done, a tank is a small steel box crammed
with inflammable or explosive substances which is easily converted into a mobile
crematorium for its highly skilled crew."
- Brigadier Shelford Bidwell
"War is God's way
of teaching Americans geography."
- Ambrose Bierce
"I do not
like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
French ambassador to New Zealand Jacques le Blanc, regarding press coverage
of France's nuclear weapons tests in the Pacific
"Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day,
light a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life"
-Staff Sgt. Timothy A. Breen
are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
- A. Whitney Brown
"Diplomacy - the
art of saying `Nice doggie' 'til you can find a stick."
- Wynn Catlin
"We have gained a
valuable insight into the Russian soul.
It will be most educational - if we don't die of it"
- King Charles of Sweden said while seeing the Russian countryside burning
all around his army (and right before Poltava)
fear is that the Zulu will not fight"
- Lieutenant-General Lord Chelmsford,
commanding British forces, just before the
invasion of Zululand.
"The truth is
sometimes so precious that it must be surrounded by a bodyguard of lies"
"It was my goose that always laid golden eggs; and never cackled"
Winston Churchill (about the code breaking at Bletchley Park)
"This is not the end, nor is it even the beginning of the end, but it is the end
of the beginning"
Winston Churchill (after the victory at El Alamein)
"Gentlemen, we are
being killed on the beaches. Lets go inland and be killed."
- General Norman Cota:
Omaha Beach, 1944
outnumbered, there is only one thing to do. We must attack!"
- Admiral Andrew Cunningham, 11 November 1940.
Before attacking the Italian fleet at Taranto
"Army: A body of
men assembled to rectify the mistakes of the diplomats."
- Josephus Daniels
"Onward we stagger, and if the tanks come, may God
help the tanks."
- Col. William O. Darby, U.S. Rangers
going to find a solution to the Middle East conflict as soon as the Arabs agrees
- Moshe Dayan, Israeli Minister of Defense during the Six Say War (1967)
"If your bayonet
breaks, strike with the stock. If the stock gives way, hit him with your fists.
If your fists are hurt, bite him with your teeth"
- General Mikhail I. Dragomirov, "Notes for soldiers" 1890.
(Monty Python, "The Black Knight" anyone?? :)
"Ma droite est
enfoncée, ma gauche cède - tout va bien - j'attaque"
"My right has been pushed back, my left is giving way - Excellent - Now I
pressed on my right; my left is in retreat. My center is yielding. Impossible to
maneuver. Situation excellent. I am attacking. Attaquez!"
- General Ferdinand Foch (to General Joffre during Battle of the Marne)
From Liddel-Harts book "Reputations"
"It take 15,000
casualties to train a major general.
- Ferdinand Foch
"When you men get home and face an
anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his
girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy."
- Attributed to General Tommy Franks
Also Attributed to US Marine Major General James Mattis
as he addressed
the Marines of 1st Marine Division prior to commencement of
combat operations in support of Iraqi Freedom.
will not be a subject to a single bomb. If an enemy bomber reaches the Ruhr,
name is not Herman Goering; you can call me Meier!"
- Reichsmarshal Herman Goering, 9 august 1939.
"War is hell, but
actual combat is a motherfucker."
- Colonel Dave Hackworth's response to a reporter's attempt to interview him
about a battle
trust a fighting man who doesn't smoke or drink."
- Admiral William Halsey
"Which brings me to
perception. Some of you may remember
Commander General Conway's speech before we left Kuwait, he mentioned
those who don't support us. To quote him he said: ‘Piss on them'."
- Lieutenant Colonel Piers Hankinson, commander of the 2nd Royal Tank
"The day of
parachute troops is over"
- Adolf Hitler, after the heavy losses suffered by the airborne units on
Crete in 1941
people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
Rear Admiral James R. Hogg
people are capable of fighting to the victorious end which God wants... the
blood of our martyrs will burn you!"
- Saddam Hussein, August 1990.
A member of Lee's
staff rode in to harpers ferry after Jackson had taken it for the second time.
The rider jumped from his mount and said "General, General McClellan and the
army of the Potomac is 15 miles away, and it would be advisable for you to cross
into Maryland, and meet up with the main body at Sharpsburg." Jackson, not
looking up from the ground, did not acknowledge the rider. The rider re-mounted,
and turned to leave when Jackson, still not looking up from the ground asked
"Is there a train and a herd of cattle following them?" The rider replied
"YES sir." Then Jackson said "I can whip any army with a herd of cattle
"Once you have them
by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow"
- Lyndon B. Johnson
"We're Marines! We took Iwo Jima! Baghdad ain't
General Kelly, First Marines, on proceeding to Baghdad
bomb will never go off, and I speak as an expert in explosives."
- Admiral William Leahy to President Truman
before the first atomic bomb was
dropped on Hiroshima.
"My rule is: If you
meet the weakest vessel, attack; if it is a vessel equal to yours, attack; and
if it is stronger than yours, also attack…"
- Admiral Stepan O. Makarov (1849-1904)
"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your
David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear
"This is the
epitaph I want on my tomb: "Here lies one of the most intelligent animals who
ever appeared on the face of the earth."
- Benito Mussolini
should Irishmen stand with their arms folded and their hands in their pockets
when England called for aid?"
Sir Thomas Myles in Dublin, regarding the Boer War
planning to make a ship sail against wind and tide by lighting a fire below
deck?? I don't have time to listen to that kind of nonsense!"
- Napoleon, about Robert Fultons plans to make a Steamboat.
"I was provided
with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in
furthering that version."
Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony
ruin any military force"
- Lieutenant-General Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller
"Just drive down
that road, until you get blown up"
- General George Patton, about reconnaissance troops
"I'd rather have a German Division in
front of me than a French one behind."
- General George S. Patton
"Why in hell can't
the Army do it if the Marines can. They are the same kind of men; why can't they
be like Marines. "
- Gen. John J. "Black Jack" Pershing, US Army; 12 February 1918
That simplifies the problem."
- Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC
(I have found three versions of this one)
"All right, they're
on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind
us...they can't get away this time"
- Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC
"They are in front
of us, behind us, and we are flanked on both sides by an enemy that outnumbers
us 29:1. They can't get away from us now!"
- Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC
When the Marines were cut off behind enemy lines and the Army had written the
1st Marine Division off as being lost because they were surrounded by 22 enemy
divisions. The Marines made it out inflicting the highest casualty ratio on an
enemy in history and destroying 7 entire enemy divisions in the process. An
enemy division is 16500+ men while a Marine division is 12500 men.
Libyan army is capable of destroying America and breaking its nose."
Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin
bombing in five minutes."
President Reagan, before a scheduled radio broadcast,
unaware that the
microphone was already on
"We should declare
war on North Vietnam. . . .We could pave the whole country and put parking
strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."
- Ronald Reagan, 1965
underestimate the power of world domination!"
- 1. Lt. Rekve's solution to all the problems in the world.
"Men are basically
smart or dumb and lazy or ambitious. The dumb and ambitious ones are dangerous
and I get rid of them. The dumb and lazy ones I give mundane duties. The smart
ambitious ones I put on my staff. The smart and lazy ones I make my commanders."
- Attributed to Field Marshal Erwin Rommel,
on how he selects officers for
staff and command.
"We’re not running out of
[fixed] targets. Afghanistan is.”
-Donald Rumsfeld, Oct. 9, 2001.
couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...."
- Major-General John Sedgwick, 9 may 1864.
Killed by a sniper during the battle of Spotsylvania.
"When the military
man approaches, the world locks up its spoons and packs off its womankind."
- George Bernard Shaw
"Hit the other fellow, as quick as you can, and as hard
as you can, where it hurts him most, when he ain't lookin'."
- Sir William Slim
"The Pope! how many
divisions has he got?"
In 1935, a
French visitor asked Soviet leader Josef Stalin if he thought Pope Pius XI might
prove to be an ally.
"Tell my son
Josef that he will meet my divisions in eternity."
- Reply from the Pope
when he heard the story years later.
"In war I would
deal with the Devil and his grandmother"
- Joseph Stalin
It takes a brave
man to be a coward in the Red Army
- Joseph Stalin
no room in war for delicate machinery."
- Archibald Wavell, British general
"If we come to a
minefield, our infantry attacks exactly as it were not there."
- Marshall Geogi Zhukov to General Eisenhower, 1945
During 2001 the IDF
preformed large scale operations in the west bank.
The chief of staff at the time Major General Shaul Mofaz came to see how things
are going, and was briefed by a Lt. Colonel commanding an infantry regiment.
they were talking about an encounter in an alley which the Lt. Colonel described
"The terrorist came out of this house to say hello. Well, hello, hello, the MG
team got him!"
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