Service Specific Jokes for New Recruits

Mark Conley

Active member
Just to see if we can really remember all the gags ever pulled on us. If you guys can remember more, write em down before they are lost due to technological advances...

For the Air Force: Do you remember when your sergeant or officer ever had you....

Get 50 feet of flightline?

Get A couple of gallons of propwash for the plane?

Go to the flight line kitchen to pick up the lunches driving a jammer? (A noisey, low slung bomb loading cart that goes about five miles an hour, tops).

hold the black wire and dont touch the white wire because it would kill you? (Electrical back shop workers, take note).

Make you Airman in Charge of the Honey Cart? ( that fragrant, often leaking tank they used to get the sanitary waste from an aircraft.)

Get at least 20 1030 wood rods from the civil engineering welding shop? (you cant arc weld wood).

Tell you to speak up real loud around the colonel, as he was hard of hearing from all the jet noise he'd been exposed to? (they aint that hard of hearing..)

Return a phone call from Col. Harlan Sanders concerning an environmental problem with his office? (The local KFC was not amused).

Respond to a dangerous spill of dihydrogen oxide in the squadron operations center? (Hope you remembered your mop and bucket for the water).

help fly the plane with the two strings in that came out of the cockpit, while the pilot went to the planes restroom? (only seen this done once, but it was highly effective).

There are many more out there. lets see how many we can round up.


Have a seen a lot of these in my time in the Army, but one classic from the Field Artillery is to get a new recruit to go to the Battery Commander to ask for some new radio batteries... Happens every year.. :D

I have lots more, I just need to translate them into english first...
A few more newbie jokes (some Artillery, some not):

Get a bucket of muzzle blast

Ask the Motor Sergeant for sparkplugs for the 5 ton (diesel) truck

Find a box of Grid Squares (big favorite in FDCs everywhere!)

Find a tube of Lanyard Grease

Enjoy. :D
Another classic is "sledgehammer grease"...
(hm.. I think this is the right translation...)

I have a ton more, but it's hard to find correct english translations....
Let's see if this thing will let me post without a password...

USN style:
Get some relative bearing grease,
100 feet of shore line,
a can of dehydrated water,
a bucket of steam,
and the all time favorite, go fetch the mail buoy.
Actually got one moron to go looking for a radio transmission. Same guy got put on "Hurricane watch": we had him up on top of the barracks in a thunderstorm with his kevlar, a pair of binoculars, and a field telephone! MP wanders by, and is like "WTF are you doing up there!?!?!"
Oh shoot I forgot the key! Airman Pinger, hurry down to the orderly room and get the key for aircraft 0173 from the commander. the way would anybody here like to join the bowling team??
I have a feeling it's not officers or senior NCOs pulling these pranks, probably more along the lines of E3s and 4s.
Private Gonzo, take this to the RTO office on the second floorof Regimental HQ! The elevator is broken, so you'll have to use the stairs!
(RHQ being a one story building.)
A fun way to teach new squadmates to wear a watch: While on guard at night, relieve him, let him sleep for 15 minutes while you reset your watch, then wake him up for "his" shift. Get another hour of sleep, repeat.
Also, if someone brings a pillow to the field (especially a frigging WHITE one!) remove the pillow from the case, fill the case up with sharp rocks, and place just enough padding of some sort so that it looks fluffy. REplace on cot. Do this while soldier is out on perimeter. Wait for him to throw himself down on his COMFY pillow. :twisted:
A favorite any time there was down time: All the phones on post were on the same network, and you could transfer a call to any number from any other. So we'd go into another office, dill 1800-fat-girl or something similiar, and then quickly transfer the call to say, oh, the Post commanders private line (pay attention when on cleaning detail, to get these numbers) or the sexual harassment hotline.
LMAO I love these.....

Artillery(and a few others)

Get the tire guage for the road wheel.
get a bucket of backblast.
BFA for a 109.
blinker fluid for the truck.
can of red over blue (our colors) paint.
test the suspension of a 109 by jumping up and down on it.
50 feet of shoreline.
box of grid squares.
box of frequencies
black out mantel for the lantern
50 feet of gunline

i'll post more if i can think of anymore

get the key to the travel lock- armor bn

chem light recharge kit

bolt stretcher/motor pool

change out winter air for spring air/motor pool

go get some flight line

head to commo and get some swr grease for the radio

and more i forgot
See the Cpt. on board USS Whatever for mail bouy watch. (Cpt. kept him four hours with binocs looking for that bouy)

Report to Med Center for a box of fallopian tubes.

Give an FNG a balpeen hammer and a piece of chalk and tell him to check the Bradley's for soft spots in the armor. To do this required the troop to gently tap the armor plates several times in a spot and listen to the tone. If it was of low pitch, the armor there had "gone bad," and the troop was to draw an X over that spot. After checking and marking the whole vehicle, said troop was to report to the Maintenance Chief to show him where the vehicle needed armor replaced.

Send them to the armourer for a bottle of muzzle blast.

To supply for a "smoke screen."

Go to supply and get fitted for a body bag.

Chemlight batteries.

Blinker fluid.

Blank tracer rounds.

Spray squelch.
Well, a classic from my field of service would be to have a new conscript fetching a pint of sweep-oil for the radar consoles.

Another one would be asking a newbie to empty the echo-box. (You'd have to be a radar technician to understand it :lol: )

My Equipment Officer told me off for sending a young recruit to get a packet of chem-light batteires
Send them to Bn Comm for two BA-1100-N batteries for the squad radio.
BA-1100-N (balloon) if ya didn't catch it.

While he's there he can pick up a can of frequency grease for the RTO.

For helo ops every FNG needs a 2 day supply of Prop Wash. Available at Regt. Supply.

He may also need to pick up the squads allotment of Flight Line for said Helo Op. Available at the Bn. S-3.

Should the FNG be tasked as a 0351 Anti tank assaultman he would never be allowed to go anywhere with out first drawing his alloted can of back blast. Same is true for any FNG carrying a LAAW.

Since the Company CO will be needing his Jeep in the field an FNG should be sent to the Bn Sgt. Major to sign out the CO's "jeep keys" as all Jeep keys are in the Sgt. Majors possession.

Send an FGN to the Regimental Armorer to get new recticles for the PC's binos.

Send the FNG to the Co. Gunny to "Check out the PRC (PRONOUNCED PRICK) E-7."

It is always the FNG's duty to pickup the9mm/ .45 blanks for the Plt. Commander and Plt. Sgt's sidearm.
Bit late on I know but hey what the hell here goes the British side

Send a new recruit down to Photo section and tell them to get their picture for their ID10T card

Send them to the guard room to see the RAF police to get some batteries charged the copper will then put said batteries on counter and read them their rights

Send them to supply to get tartan paint and a glass hammer or a long weight

When you get your december pay statement go alright really loud and compare with the other people in your section. When new recruit asks whats going on ask them how much their christmas bonus was (we dont get christmas bonus)

Unfortunately now in this politically correct force this is all constituted as bullying so we were told to stop doing it. One of these days we may start following that order lol :lol:

flightline shop-
go to the flightline and get a stack of 6112 forms (6112=CH46 Mechs)
when a plane fly by salute it or the officer flying will get mad
batteries for the chem light
stack of ID10T forms
bucket of rotor wash