"Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls
and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead
horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally."
Soviet infantry manual,
issued in the 1930's
One of the serious problems in planning the fight against
American doctrine, is that the
Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any
obligation to follow their doctrine...
- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook
best tank terrain is that without anti-tank weapons."
-Russian military doctrine.
...At a prewar diplomatic conference, the Nazi Foreign
Minister Ribbentrop "sniffed"
to Eden and Churchill that if there was another war, the Italians would
be on Germany's side!
To which Churchill supposedly replied: "that seems only fair, we had them last time!"...
"The reason the American Army does
so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and
the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General
Pearl Harbour Radio
Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
.... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on
Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.
In 1836, the Creek
and Seminole Indian tribes in Georgia and Florida were waging war against the
United States. The U. S. Army had its hands full. The Fifth Commandant of the
Marine Corps offered the services of a regiment of Marines for duty with the
Army. Henderson placed himself in command and, taking virtually the entire
available strength of the Corps, left for the extended campaign after tacking a
terse message on his office door which read:
"Have gone to Florida to fight Indians.
Will be back when War is over.
The best armor is staying out of gun-shot.
Funny Quotes From Bumper Stickers
There is no problem that
cannot be solved by the use of high explosives.
- Bumper Sticker
You can have my gun when you pry it from my paranoid, mentally
disturbed, physically-abusive, cold, dead hand.
- Bumper sticker
mom I'm a pilot, she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse"
- Bumper sticker
Funny Uknown Quotes
Always remember to pillage BEFORE
Anything worth fighting for is
worth fighting dirty for
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day
beer, not people
journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, and a lot of bitching."
"Artillery is the King of battle: the King cannot
swim, however, which is why we need you guys."
(USMC arty specialist to a group of Navy officers in an Amphib
Warfare Indoc course.)
Funny Latin Quotes
Interdum feror cupidine
partium magnarum Europae vincendarum
Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at
Funny Quotes about Air
planes and Aircrafts
"Airplanes can barely keep themselves in the air. How can they then carry
any kind of load?"
- William Pickering, Astronomer (1908)
"Airplanes suffers from so many technical faults that it is only a matter
of time before any reasonable man realizes that they are useless!"
- Scientific American (1910)
machine will ever fly from New York to Paris."
- Orville Wright.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch [Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre]
He was Supreme Commander of Allied forces, 1918
is good for sport, but for the Army it is useless!"
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch
throw bombs from an airplane will do as much damage as throwing bags of flour.
It will be my pleasure to stand on the bridge of any ship while it is attacked
- Newton Baker, US minister of defense (1921)
Funny Submarine quotes
it is possible!"
-William Bourne, English inventor. (1578) He also points out that
submarines can be an effective weapon in wartime.
only thing that will happen is that the vessel will sink, and suffocate the
- H. G. Wells, English writer(1902) (Submarines had been used
since ca. 1850)
if a submarine should work by a miracle, it will never be used. No country in
this world would ever use such a vicious and petty form of warfare!"
- William Henderson, British admiral(1914)
Funny Quotes about Radio
two people can't see each other, then it's impossible to communicate"
- Unknown roman warfare expert (63 ad.)
Morse most have lost his mind if he believes in this idea himself!"
- Senator Oliver Hampton Smith, (1842)
after having seen a
demonstration of Morse's new invention.
is only righteous that Joshua Coppersmiths, who has tried to find investors to
finance the development of a so-called telephone, is arrested for fraud!"
- An article in the Boston Post (1865)
radio has no future!"
- Lord Kelvin, British Mathematician(1897)
your time on something useful. All radios this country will ever need can easily
fit on my desk!"
- W.W. Dean, director of the American phone company "W.W.
Dean"(1907), to Lee DeForrest (one of radios first pioneers)
is just a fashion contrivance that will soon die out. It is obvious that there
never will be invented a proper receiver!"
- Thomas Edison
wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a
message sent to nobody in particular?"
- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in
the radio in the 1920s
Submit your own
funny quotes/humorous quotes in the forum