Thanks to All of You...

Thanks to All of You...
December 10th, 2005  

Topic: Thanks to All of You...

Thanks to All of You...
Thanks to All of You...

As we approach the Christmas season, I want to thank those who have
taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past 12 months.

Because of your care and concern for me, I now feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I must add my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rats in the glue on envelopes -- I now use a wet towel on every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea (CARRYING BIRD FLU--I GOT THIS STRAIGHT FROM THE CDC!)
will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CST) the day after tomorrow and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician!

December 11th, 2005  
Hehehee... thanks Tom I will sleep better now.
December 11th, 2005  
rotc boy
Thanks to All of You...
December 11th, 2005  
Navy Boy
December 13th, 2005  
December 27th, 2006  
A Little Late For This Year But What The Heck!
December 27th, 2006  
Team Infidel
that's good
December 28th, 2006  
lolol good stuff haha
December 28th, 2006  
LMAO Awesome!!!!!!!
December 28th, 2006  
144, 145, 146...guys i dont think i can make 144,000 :/...