Something To Offend Everyone

Missileer

Active member
What is the difference between
a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the
Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What's the difference between
a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to
move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult
to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

What does it mean when the
flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between
a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between
a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
a southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"
 
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Missileer said:
What is the difference between
a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the
Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between
a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between
a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What makes men chase women
they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What's the difference between
a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when
she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to
move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult
to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

What does it mean when the
flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between
a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal
on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between
a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
a southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"
:lol: :lol:
 
JulesLee said:
im asian.. offend me plz
Sorry JulesLee, i didn't use all of them as they were about ethnicities. I'll see if I can find the original, there were some good Asian ones.

Okay, here's some I left out;

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong."

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

Dang, double post again. I hate it when I do that. IG, is the one about Italians true?
 
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Missileer said:
Life must be tough when you only have yourself to play with.:p :p


haha, actually i was watching that for the 7th time last night with my friends

also watched shaun of the dead and harold and kumar go to white castle


spent the entire night laughing, feckin hilarious




youve got red on you
 
Missileer said:
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.

Ha! I LMAO at that one! I often threaten to tie Molly's hands up and thus render her mute. It's a long running gag with us.

I thought the joke was funny, she, however, is gunning for you now, Missileer. :2guns:
 
Charge 7 said:
Ha! I LMAO at that one! I often threaten to tie Molly's hands up and thus render her mute. It's a long running gag with us. I thought the joke was funny, she, however, is gunning for you now, Missileer.
Hey hey hey :evil::x it's not true that we *desperately moving his arms in the air as to form huge circles* use our hands to talk *he mysteriously starts to shake his whole body like Ricky Martin* this is flat-out lies!
Hey btw did you know we have big signs on Italian buses? "Don't talk to the driver: He needs hands". 8)
 
Italian Guy said:
Hey btw did you know we have big signs on Italian buses? "Don't talk to the driver: He needs hands". 8)

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

That was better than the original joke!
 
Italian Guy said:
Hey btw did you know we have big signs on Italian buses? "Don't talk to the driver: He needs hands". 8)
*ROFL!*

Q: So, what do you get when you cross a Mexican with a Chinese person?
A: A car thief who doesn't know how to drive!
 
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