New Rules For 2006




 
--
New Rules For 2006
 
June 30th, 2006  
Sevens
 
 

Topic: New Rules For 2006


New Rules For 2006
Okay its a little late in the year, but their still funny!!


New rules for 2006


New Rule: Stop giving me that popup ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them. Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky b******s.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket; water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target has introduced a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his a** will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved
the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a**hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge a**hole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your a**. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too d***ed exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already
doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy,old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people's version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam,dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
June 30th, 2006  
Rob Henderson
 
 
Ahahahahahahahahahahaa....Those were hilarious! ahahaha...*tear*
July 1st, 2006  
tomtom22
 
 
Already been posted by NavyBoy:
http://www.military-quotes.com/forum...ght=Rules+2006
Use Search before you post.
--
New Rules For 2006
July 1st, 2006  
MaKa9
 
 
still fun
July 1st, 2006  
Rob Henderson
 
 
There are some different ones in this one though.And Missileer already posted the one that NavyBoy posted...its all just a big chain.
July 1st, 2006  
tomtom22
 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by C/1Lt Henderson
There are some different ones in this one though.And Missileer already posted the one that NavyBoy posted...its all just a big chain.
All sixteen of them are basically the same. Some may be phrased differently, but it is still the same. And if Missileer posted it, then it's already been posted before which was my point in the beginning. Posters should do a search before posting.
 


Similar Topics
relationship rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rules for Gunfighting
Forum Rules. Read before you post in here!
New Rules In Iraq May Make It Tougher To Keep Insurgents
Ozzy rules .vs. GAA