Mothers




 
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Boots
 
May 10th, 2006  
tomtom22
 
 

Topic: Mothers


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up"

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

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May 10th, 2006  
Italian Guy
 
 
So true, so true. The clean underwear one "in case of an accident" is universal I guess
May 10th, 2006  
istealfreefood
 
 
its a bit early, but it goes with this so, happy (almost) mothers day
--
Boots
May 10th, 2006  
gigabrain
 
 
wow sounds like my mom
May 11th, 2006  
armlesscadet
 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tomtom22
1.23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
you know according to the bible jesus was born in a barn (manger-barn same thing) as well
January 7th, 2007  
Team Infidel
 
 
that's a good one
May 5th, 2007  
tomtom22
 
 
Bump....
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Mother's Day coming up.
May 7th, 2007  
Rob Henderson
 
 
We've all heard it from our respective mothers. LOL.
May 7th, 2007  
CrazyLilCajun
 
 
funny...i have my own variation to number 2...when i was 12 I caught my parents kitchen on fire bc of a grease fire....and i was told by my dad "you better pray some of that black will come off the walls before your momma gets home" lol
May 7th, 2007  
Peddler
 
 
Very good!