LITTLE Mark ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little MARK. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little MARK says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little MARK replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the Wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."

LITTLE MARK ON MATH

Little MARK returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic "Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies MARK. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fing difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!"

LITTLE MARK ON ENGLISH

Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" MARK says "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little MARK, that's a mouthful." Little MARK says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a *******."

LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR

Little MARK was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, 'Now, MARK, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-I-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little MARK, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger breasts, you'd be a TEN!"


LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called! On little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little MARK. "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was Pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fing beautiful!'"


LITTLE MARK ON GETTING OLDER

Little MARK was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little MARK replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little MARK answered, "No, he minded his own fing business.



I LOVE Little MARK!!!!!

Good stuff.

He's almost as smartass as Little Johnny!

Ouch...Last one stung a little. LOL

I love Little Mark, too. Particularly the last joke- that was striking. Remids me of one incident when I was still smoking- gave that vice up!

I was queing at a bank (smoking in a building was permitted then) to make my monthly deposits, smoking as I was doing that. A irritating, poor excuse of a human speciment told me, in a not too polite manner- "Do you know smoking is bad for your well being?"

I just replied "Yes, and telling a smoker in the manner you just did, may also be bad for you well being..." and let it trail off at that, while giving him the look that most rotweilers do.

Hahahahaha

LOL. But they haven't finished all the research on that statement yet. LOL