Introducing "GONZO!" - Page 2




 
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March 26th, 2004  
Jamoni
 
Okay, I'm not sure how much of this one is Gonzo's fault, cause I only heard the "BOOM". Apparently, he and another soldier were hooking up the 5-tonnish tractor-trailer (I forget the model #) to the machine shop trailer. Well, it didn't LOCK. So Gonzo cranks up the legs on the trailer, and the driver starts to pull away. Did I mention this is a fully equipped machine shop, with dozens of highly intricate and precise machine tools, worth a WHOLE LOT of money? Did I mention that they hadn't hooked up the brake lines? So the entire front end of the thing falls about five feet and SLAMS into the floor of the bay. Bent the trailer, CRACKED the bay floor, and pretty much destroyed a bridgeport lathe/milling machine setup. THEY WOULDN'T LET US CHAPTER HIM! WE TRIED AND TRIED!
We ended up with a monstrous cast-iron WW2 era replacement lathe, which was too wide to operate in a normal trailer, so we had to find an expando-van, which didn't have any drawers or hardware, so we had to scrounge those up in a commando raid on the junkyard, which was a lot of fun, so it wasn't ALL bad. They didn't call us "Steal and Repaint" for nothing!
March 27th, 2004  
Jamoni
 
In this one, Gonzo actually got in on the winning team, for once. We are in NTC, and we are pulling guard duty at night. Well, our squad leader was pulling Sgt. of the guard, and she failed to show up at the 1 hour mark, as did our relief. Two hours, no Sgt, no relief. Three hours, same thing, and I'm pissed, so against orders I send Gonzo to find our sgt.
He finds her, ASLEEP in the cab of a 5 ton! This was not the first time she'd pulled this stunt. He comes back and tells me, and we devised a plan. So Gonzo went and gently opened the drivers door, gently turned the lights on, and gently raced back to our hole.
March 27th, 2004  
Redleg
 
 
Great!

you should start your own Gonzo fansite..
www.WeLoveGonzo.com ....
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March 27th, 2004  
Jamoni
 
Actually, I'm just about out of stories.
OOH! OOH! I forgot one! Gonzo gets poison ivy in the field. His mother tells him to "bathe it in oatmeal". He hears "Bathe in oatmeal"! The only problem is the PX only had instant oatmeal. Peaches and cream instant oatmeal. So he takes a bath in 2 boxes of peaches and cream oatmeal. Imagine what this does to plumbing, not to mention the stickiness/smell!
March 29th, 2004  
Redneck
 
 
He was just trying to get you all new plumbing.
April 11th, 2004  
Jamoni
 
This one isn't really a Gonzo story, but he's in it. The same POS Sgt. from the "lights at night" story had a habit of bringin a ton of stuff to the field. I mean, things like makeup, conditioner, pillows, CURLING irons, nail polish, hair mousse, huge bags of health food, CD player, CDs, blah blah blah. She ended up with like 5 duffel bags and a ruck, which she did NOT have room for in her Hummvee. None of us would le her put it in our vehicles unless it was on the load plan , except for Gonzo. She had the habit of piling her 3 or 4 extra bags all over the back of his wrecker, (you know, where tools should go?). She never tied them down. So we're out in the field, my buddy Specialist "Horsefeet" and I are directing the convoy. Sgt Whatsherface has been giving him a hard time, and as she drives by gives him a dirty look and shakes her finger at him. The next truck in line is Gonzo's wrecker, and as it passes by, "Horsefeet" casually reaches up, hooks one of Sgt "Avon Ladies" duffel bags full of cosmetics, etc, and swings it right under the tires of Gonzos wrecker. 8)
April 11th, 2004  
Redleg
 
 
No more Gonzo???

It was a good one, even if Gonzo wasn't the main ingredient..
April 13th, 2004  
Jamoni
 
Well, there WAS the time when Gonzo tried a little PsyOps on us. He rationalized that the three people giving him the most trouble (me as acting section sgt., spc. Kegstand as squad leader, and spc Horsefeet as all around A-hole, must be allied in an axis of evil. His plan was classic: divide and conquer.
So at the end of the day, over a beer, I told Horsefeet and Kegstand how Gonzo had come to me and said:
"You shouldn't hang out with Horsefeet and Kegstand. They make fun of you. You should hang out with me."
Apparently he told Horsefeet: "You shouldn't hang out with Jamoni and Kegstand. They make fun of you. You should hang out with me."
AND to Kegstand: "You shouldn't hang out with Horsefeet and Jamoni. They make fun of you. You should hang out with me."
Genius. Pure genius.
April 13th, 2004  
Darkmb101
 
once again gonzo takes the spot light, :mumbles: now where are my rotting tomatoes? :P
April 13th, 2004  
SHERMAN
 
 

Topic: lol


Well, acctually, you do see the pure, naive, sens it all makes.