True Stories


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Post your Junior Military Stories(funny) here


It was the 2005 MN WG encampment. We were standing at parade rest on the drill pad. The right guide was standing at attention, as an officer was close. 2 or 3 birds flew by and one landed on his left shoulder. Now, of course he's at attention and can't move so the bird is just sitting there. Now our Flight Commander comes along and sees the bird. He tries not to laugh and gives the cadet permission to get it off. The cadet waves it away and so ends my story.
LOL.....I was about to say that I didn't have one, but I rememer a funny on my first drill weekend, and first fire watch.

I was assigned the 0200-0300 fire watch with Feely, who was pretty cool. It was pretty slow, I read this ANG comic about 3 times when all of a sudden, my LPO (Leading Petty Officer for you CAP cadets) stumbled out of the barracks and went into a stairwell corner.

Now, both of us being fed up with the LPO's power trip that day, took note of it on the watch bill. We decided we'd wait around to see if an Officer would swing by and take notice, when we heard this weird moaning followed by the words "Baby, :mumble: Cow" echoing through the drill deck. I went over there with my flashlight and low and behold, my LPO was laying face down in the corner sleeping his ass off like an Iraqi got him from behind. I didn't bother to tell him to leave, and went back to my watch station.

About 20 minutes later, we heard more grunting, and so we took note of everything, and then through the railing of the drill deck, we could see him crawling back to the barracks....He stood up at the light of the first entryway, and then slammed into the door leading into the actual barracks.

The Next day during formation the adult officers came by and asked for our LPO trying to hold all their laughter in. They then asked if it was true, and burst out laughing. :lol:
At drill team practice once, the bayonet lug on one of our Garands broke during a series of spins and the bayonet itself flew through an (open) window. Whoops. The cadet responsible had to go to the janitor (the room was locked...with an open window...weird I know) and explain to him that he had flung a large knife through the window.
I would share more of our stories but the ones i've disclosed weren't classified. The others (the really funny ones) are still classified and will be until everyone that knows our names are dirt. So maybe (if the Hindu are right) you'll hear of them in later lives. :D
I went to a FTX last year and I was on the SAR team. Well, a few officers I knew had to simulate a plan crash near a creek, and they were the victems. One had a laceration to the head and was combative. Another was unconscious, and the 3rd was disorganized in his thoughts and thought he was being taken to his first day of kindergarten.

Well, we go to take care of the combative one, but he rather fight with the dude taking care of him (which just so happens to be his best bud, so they took that time to horse play) Just as we are taking him away he trys to take off, but he trips over a rick, falls down, and actually hurts himself. Mean while, the team taking the unconscious one away nearly drops the patient in the water, and the people with the guy who thought he is in kindergarten is trying to keep him from yelling.....he was yelling "DADDY!!! WHERE ARE YOU DADDY!!!!". As if a C/Maj in his late teens yelling for his daddy isn't funny enough, his dad just so happens to be as a joke he starts yelling back saying "IM COMING FOR YOU JONNY BOY!!! DADDYS COMING!!!!"

Then that night we played capture the flag in the woods at like 11pm, so it's really really dark, and theres trees and limbs and all sorts of stuff to run into or trip over....the First Sgt proved that point many, many times.....

First Sgt: OUCH!!!!!!
us: what happened?
First Sgt: I ran into another tree.

This would happen every 5 minutes or so.
I would give tell you some more funny storys, but they involve me.... :roll:
The only story i can think of right now happend last year at one of our CO's parades. Our CSM came marching out in his full highland kit to call drill. He has these metal things on the bottom of his boots (not sure what they're called) and they made the parade square slippery. So when he came out he slipped and everyone could see up his kilt. We were all at attention so it was extremely difficult not to laugh.
If they are on the bottom of the heels, like a horse shoe, they are Taps. But if they are on the sides of the heel they are called cheaters.
Some funny stories? I got one from a CQ shift at Camp Pendalton in VA. We were on a patrol run when we came across some drunk soldiers carrying a guidon. I'm blind in 2 out of 3 eyes, so, upon seeing the red guidon, I thought they were drunk Marines(a bit redundant?). I stopped them about 50 meters away by yelling "Semper Fi! Do or die!" at the top of my lungs. They turned around and one shouted "**** all of you jarhead mother ****ers!" They stumbled off and we later found their guidon next to our barracks.
I remembered a funnier one. Our Sgt. Major at the JROTC was a Recon Marine for a lot of years. So he's a bit of a cracked nut. Several of our cadets were also cracked nuts to varying degrees. One of them, Brian Behm, decided to challenge the "old, fat, bald Sgt. Major" to a wrestling match. Sgt. Major "politely" declined(You'll get your ass kicked) and went into his office. Behm stood around in the classroom, foolishly bragging about what a pussy Sgt. Major was being. While he was running his face, Sgt. Major was creeping up behind him. With a heave and a ho and a rather loud rebel yell, Sgt. Major did a standing broad jump onto the table behind Behm, then jumped off the table. Behm was visibly shaken, but relieved that he was still in one piece. He turned back around and started talking again. Sgt. Major came back a few moments later, jumped on the table again. Behm turned around, unamused at this latest developement and appearantly thinking Sgt. Major would jump off the table again. And so he did, but this time, it was right at Behm. He grabbed the poor moron, put him in a headlock, slugged his fat a few times, and launched the kid across the room(about a 10 yard expanse for a human to fly through). Behm slammed against the wall and sat there, more than likely just realizing what had happened. We all laughed. The end. Or is it?
I had the unique distinction of being the only WIA last I went paintballing with my det. Me and another guy are covering each other and moving through some very heavy brush and woods. I'm moving, he's covering. Next thing we know I'm getting pelted. Naturally one of the paintballs finds its way to the softest part of my neck, right beside the tendons guarding the windpipe. And of course, bounces off and doesn't break.

And because the person who fired the paintball in question had in all likelyhood bumped up the speed of the paintballs, it punched a nice paintball sized hole in my neck. The bleeding wasn't bad in that it didn't flow. And it only went about 2/5 of an inch deep. I didn't know how bad it looked until I went to the bathroom between rounds and swabbed it with isopropyl alcohol. It literally didn't hurt at all and never really did more then sting a little. But nothing makes people go, "What happened?" like a hole in the neck. I went on to get a further half dozen hits that day (as well as a neck protector, multiple people I didn't know offered me one upon seeing my neck) and a nickel sized scar.

Alright, so it's not funny. But I'm sworn to secrecy on most of the funny storys.
Got a new one from Hawk Mountain. I was part of Tango Squadron(the team commander's course) and we did a lot of work on rope. One of our scenarios was the rescue of a climber who had fallen off the side of a cliff. We were supposed to set up a haul system with our rappel lines and lower a rescuer and a Stokes basket to the victim, put the victim in, and raise the whole thing back up. Our rescuer, being the bright star in the sky that he is, decided to hook himself up to a rappel line and leap off the side of the cliff with our haul system only halfway set up. To this day, we can't figure out what rope caught him and stopped him and the basket from plummeting to death and destruction, but, upon looking over the edge, we found our friend hanging there as if nothing were out of the ordinary(he had no idea that his life was in immediate danger). So we spent the next two and a half hours rescuing(for real) our local moron. It's not really a funny story, but it hasn;t left my mind since it happened.

There was one funny part to me personally. Just imagine some guy picking up a Stokes basket and taking a flying leap off the side of a cliff. Maybe you can be amused by it.

By the way, our scenario continued despite the real life rescue. Accordig=ng to the scenario, our victim died 40 minutes into the operation. So the scenario turned into one of a body recovery.
"Five years from now I'll look back on this and laugh." Is probably what would of gone through his head if he realized what he did. :lol:
He was laughing when we finally pulled his ass to the top. He was still clueless.

...I actually do have funny stories, but I'd have to get a vote from my "Heavy Hauler" crew(me and five other guys who were often tasked with carrying tons of gear in the Stokes basket. We called ourselves the Heavy Haulers and came up with a "Heavy Hongress" to decide "Important" stuff((Do we go commando today?)) ).
At Honor Guard Academy the Red Hats (3rd Year) Were practicing new spins and one by one their rifle were landing barrel into the ground. and latter at lunch all of them had scratches from the missed spins and a C/LtCol had a scratch as if he tried to commit suicide on his arm. He later said "This is not good, they will not believe me when i tell them what really happened"