Some Skydiving/Airborne jokes..


The fire is everything
Staff member
All of these are not military jokes, but skydiving is almost a military thing, so...... :D

Anyway, I've been skydiving for some years myself, and I have collected a few skydiving jokes on another site I have made.

Here we go:

A new guy shows up at the DZ and asks to jump. His military records are in order (he was in an air- borne division), and he gets on the load. He even volunteers to spot, explaining that he was very good at it, having been "trained by the Army." The jump run approaches, and this guy is looking out the door...and looking... and looking... finally, he looks at another jumper and shrugs, "Where's the smoke?"

A skydiver returned home late one evening. His wife was quite upset and demanded to know why he was so late. He explained what had happened to him on the way home from the drop zone:

"I was driving home and saw a car stopped beside the highway. A woman was out trying to change a tire, so I stopped to help. Her spare tire wasn't in very good shape, and I wanted to make sure she got home OK, so I drove along behind her. Once we got to her place, she invited me in for a drink. One thing led to another, and before I really knew what was happening we were in her bed having sex. Finally I realized how late it was and I left, jumped in the car and hurried home. I'm sorry I'm so late."

"Don't lie to me, you [censored]," his wife said. "You stayed and made another jump, didn't you?"

Q: What's the hardest thing about skydiving?
A: The ground.

Q: What's the difference between a skydiver and a golfer?
A: A golfer goes "[WHACK] ... Oh shit!". A skydiver goes "Oh shit! ... [WHACK]"

Q: How can you tell a good 4-way team from a bad 4-way team?
A: A good 4-way team going in sounds like "[WHACK]".
A bad 4-way team goes "[WHACK] ... [WHACK][WHACK] ... [WHACK]"

A first jump student is in the plane, at 3000', and won't go. His jumpmaster, anxious to jump, glares at him and yells, "IF YOU DON'T JUMP, I'M GONNA F***K YOU UP THE ASS !!!"

The next day, the student's friends ask him if he jumped. He replies, "Yea .... a little at first".

Guy gets ready to make his first ten-second delay. His jumpmaster sees he's nervous and says, "Don't worry. Just get out there, arch, count to ten, and pull your main ripcord. If there's a problem with the main, you know you have a reserve. When you land, the truck will pick you up and take you back to the loft."

So the guy exits, arches and pulls. Nothing happens. He reefs on his reserve ripcord. Dirty laundry comes out of the reserve container. He's falling faster, close to terminal, and he looks at the ground and says, "Great. I bet the f***ing truck won't be there, either."

While going through paratrooper training a paratrooper collided in midair with another trooper, whose chute collapsed as a result. He grabbed the other fellow in a bear hug, and they rode the one good chute to safety.

"I commend you for your quick thinking and for placing comradeship above all!" said his commander.

"We had only one good chute between the two of us, sir, and I was not about to let go to see if it was mine."
As a paratrooper I have to say some of those are the best I have heard. (particularly the one about being late)
This Private walks up to Sergeant Airborne and asks him "SGT Airborne, what happens if my chute doesn't deploy?"
"Bring it back, I'll give you another one" :lol:
Thanks for that site redleg i have never heard most of thestuff on there
i liked the before and after.
sgtbreeden said:
i liked the before and after.

And most of it is SO true as well.. :lol:

Please ask me if you need any translations from the Norwegian parts of that page...

Here's a translation of some of the Norwegian text:

Why SKYDIVING is better than sex !

1. You can have six skydives a day and still want more.
2. Finding partners for skydiving is much easier - physical attraction is not as important.
3. Skydiving is much safer, no diseases and no kids.
4. Finding good partners is much easier - everyone knows in advance how good a skydiver you are.
5. It's socially acceptable to do 4-ways, 8-ways, 16-ways...
6. Everyone involved is usually satisfied or not with a skydive.
7. You can ask skydivers if they've put on weight without offending them.
8. You rarely get told by your partner(s) that they've had enough.
9. Solo skydiving is not embarrassing.
10. Everyone is ugly in freefall.

:lol: Blue Skies! :lol: