How do we cope?


New Member
Our family was delt a serious blow when we received the news that our beloved brother/son had been KIA in Iraq. Since that time, it has been increasingly difficult to cope. Blake was my twin. We've been very close ever since birth. He was my best friend. My parents have turned to each other for comfort, all but shutting me out. I have no one. I don't know how to handle all this. Neighbors and friends are more than kind but there is still a hole. How do i get through this? CAN I get through this?
I am very sorry at your loss, you have my deepest sympathies. Take pride in the fact that your brother died defending the freedom of others.
It may sound cliche but you have to take it one day at a time. I lost a number of friends over the years and it still hurts.
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss!
My thoughts go to you and your family.

You can of course get through this, but something like this is never easy.
I haven't lost someone close in war, so it's real easy for me to sit here and say this.
One thing that may help is to contact a local veterans group (or something like that).
We have this in Norway, and I know from experience that it really helps to speak with someone who has been there and experienced similar situations as your brother did (but survived...).
And don't give in to hatred, it will only make the situation worse...
Dear wayouthere10,
I am also the sibling of a fallen hero. I can only tell you there will always be pain, but you get used to it. There are several good books about siblings loss, as they are the most uncomforted group when something like this happens. You're expected to kind of heal on your own so you don't upset anyone else.
If you have a good friend or two, they can be helpful. Lean on them a little when you need to.
If you'd like to write me, send an e-mail. My qualifications are 36 years experience dealing with this and a lot of hard work.
Wayouthere10, I can't begin to know how you feel. Although I have lost many firends and comrades that I loved as much as my own brother, I have never lost my brother. I think Janie has offered you good advice and if you feel up to it, you should contact her.
Coping with loss is an experience that has no end. There will never be a day when you will not remember. What will happen though is that you will learn how to live with your loss and move on. You will move on because your brother would have wanted you to do so.
Maybe you should remind your parents that you need to be in that grieving circle. You will all give each other the strength you need to get over the hurdles ahead. Maybe you need to open the door and let them in too. They are obviously grieving too but I'm sure they don't realize they are shutting you out. You may have to be strong and just let them know you're there for them and that you need them there for you too.
You will always have Blake in your heart, you can be sure of that. You will come to terms with your loss and you will derive strength from your memories of your brother.
Remember you can always come here and talk things out.