Yossarian's discontent with Forza 4

October 4th, 2011  

Topic: Yossarian's discontent with Forza 4

If you are dumb enough to open this thread, then strap in and prepare to read an article I penned similar in structure and satire to that of John Phelps talking about space for his golf clubs in a Chevy Volt Test Car....Only to read that with all the options he asked for he pushes the price up about $10,000 from the best value for $30,000 dollar price cap the article is supposed to be about.

Any way....

On to the topic of conversation here....

See this? This is a Porsche 911, the outcome of when a Mad Scientist and a German Autophile have a love child, and continue to educate it and redress it in a twisted study of obession with flat sixes and turbo spools for four decades....

And it will NOT be in Forza Motorsport 4....

Why? Well hold on there, you do not need to rush out and grab the nearest issue of Auto Week from the nearest Starbucks stand because I Yossarian will educate the weary who are reading this.

Because rival developer Electronic Arts (EA) and it's subsidaries own the "virtual" rights to Porsche now. So, technically speaking the manufacture has nothing to do with their cars not being in Forza 4...Which Ironiclly is the same situation Ferrari faced with EA's biggest rivals series over EA's Need For Speed franchise for almost ten years.

Ferrari just finally allowed some of it's out going models (A la: F 430 and 550 coupes) be put into a more recent Need For Speed title as downloadble content. Right on the eve of releasing the new 458 to the market.

Now where Porsche stands is giving EA elxusive rights to make virtual Porsches. Until now EA , like Chinese military strategists...Have not chosen to flex their muscles in allowing fellow competive game companines like Sony and Turn 10 studios make racing games with virtual Porsche Stock car models in them.

The problem is now evidently clear, back to my Ferrari example, it's speculated Ferrari did not license it's cars to Need For Speed because NFS games as of late portray cars as deadly missiles of destruction that are to be used as battering rams to win illegial races. Ferrari, with it's very posh and political racing hertige, may just have not wanted it's products protrayed in such an elementary fashion...So they instead chose to build a theme park in Dubai...seriously.

The picture below will illustrate their outlook of their products.

If any military members have been deployed in a rich Arab Nation, you may recgonize at least a half dozen of these on the streets surrounding oil tycoon palaces every day.

So in seeing it through the eyes of EA. As we are still in the stages of the Mass marketing attack Forza 4 is throwing into every stream of Media. It is clear why Ferrari for example wants to license it's cars to developers like Turn 10 studios (Forza developer).

Because studios like Turn 10, are "realistic" seriously, you can't simlute combat, or hunting, or doing your taxes very well in video games, it's a common fact, but... Racing games have closed that gap considerably in recent years, and I Yossarian am a autophile...and not a Arab oil tycoon with large coffers...

In short? Ferrari loves Forza for example because its realistic and can use games as such as almost a advertising camgian, examples include the Forza 4 trailer, cover art on the game case, and special Ferrari Downloadable content in past games for new Ferrari product lines.Other manufacturers tie into this as well.

Need for speed on the other hand, likes to crash cars into things....

Ironiclly for the last ten years I have scoffed at EA as Ferrari denied virtual cars for games like Need For Speed, now it seems that irony is bitting a part me...a part located around my a$$.

Now to why Yossarian is in disgust...I will admit, if you gave me $120,000 and told me to run to the nearest German imports Auto Palace and told me to bring you one of these examples of over engineered posh garage ordaments.

And considering you made the mistake of not holding me at gun point then I would save you about $40,000 and come rolling back in a Cadi CTS V coupe being the flag waving patriot I am, all doing my part to stimulate the American Auto Industry.


In the virtual world of online gaming, I have a thing for Porsches, every since having the religious experiance of sitting in a black carbon fiber cockpit of a RUF tuned Carrera Turbo at an airshow (where that rocket belongs), I was baffled and could only describe the idle exhaust note as sex on wheels.

But on as you could imagine even on the virtual asphault that Porsche products eat rubber and non California regulatory 93 octane at a freightening pace all the while throwing your vitual helmet into a spin as if you lost control of a fighter jet as you plummit over that hill cresting the downward S curve of Mazada Leguna Seca speedway and into a sand trap like when Eddie Alterman fails to deliver at golf...or a satircal comment.

But fortunatly there is good news in this Catch 22 style debacle, Porshe racing legends like the Flying Lizards (look them up and learn where my appreciation comes from, Patrick Long and Seth Neiman are my heroes) will have Race tuned cars in the game.

Not to mention the before stated products of the insane man named Alois Ruf Sr.,

But having a canary yellow new 2012 911 Turbo to jam virtual gears in, bumping away at my virtual paddle shifters as I over compensate a chicane and end up hurdling towards a wall after crossing half a football field of grass, down shifting the whole time while airborne and listening as the Doppelkupplungsgetriebe goes out for the 28th time...

Aslo another possible subsititute for missing Porsches, the inclusion of a Microsoft vehicle maybe be a virtual middle finger to EA, or precieved easter egg. Either way the sex appeal of the MRV 12 cannont subsitute alone for the raw agression of the GT 2 RS, if you are not sure what the GT 2 RS is, then climbing inside a industrial tumble dryer and listening to a reving engine will serve as a subsitute. And yes this is actual game footage.

Oh Porsche, please, please, unlike your failed attempt to not get bought out by Volkswagen Group , please like when you made a turbo charged grocery hauler that tops out at 180 mph and called it "practicle"...

Please just grow the balls to put your cars in a game where they truely belong... I am a virtual fan of your work...

And already preordered so hurry up...
October 4th, 2011  
Interesting read.
Funny how what I would call political games affect virtual games in such a way.
Owning virtual rights.. Really what next?
October 5th, 2011  
I feel your pain, buddy. Because of EAs current license with Porsche, Gran Turismo 5 was limited to just the RUF tuned examples of those fine German corner carvers.
October 5th, 2011  
I am surprised as well, maybe they could not handle the oppsisition, like the titan developer like EA will be in dire need of the marginal profits they would be missing...

Because in Need For Speed titles I have borrowed from friends latley center around ramming into cops cars and that the act of firing spike missiles from my Deutschland masterpiece just feels wrong...

Reminds me of a qoute on the EA mindset that brings these marvels to mind.

"Wit a trunk fulla engine, tis hard to tell which way da car go"

- Dr. Dre

A pity however how nobody caught my sense of sarcasim with mispelling Porsche (Porshe) every time in the entire article.

So I changed it back.

I agree with you fully however.

October 5th, 2011  
This just came to me, not only does the EA license prohibit any other developer from including current Porsche designs in their games, but it also prohibits any of their earlier cars, too. Which is a crying shame. I would really like to be able to take the 917 in Gulf Oil colors around Le Mans, or be able to drive the original 911.
October 6th, 2011  
Sad but true gents... hey I know we can strap some bratwurst to the hood of the Ferrari and yodel as we go around the track.