July 12th, 2005  



My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to
begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money
toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that
note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you
down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps
have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or
watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the
finest chop shops in the world. I love New York ..

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely
to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government
really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep,
border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for
oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for
decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I
refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism.. I answer them by saying, "darn

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the
planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from
America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you
and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to
speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
thank a soldier, sailor, airman, or marine.
July 12th, 2005  
*applauds* *stands up and applauds* *continues applauding* that is exactly what i would say if i were the president, of course, thats probably why i'll never be the president.....

*is still applauding*
July 13th, 2005  
*takes Ghost's post after he gets tired of applauding*
*is waiting for relief of his applauding post*

Very nice post. may i use that?
July 13th, 2005  
Yeah I got it from my Marine feel free to use it.
July 14th, 2005  
C/2nd Lt Robot
Originally Posted by behemoth79
*is waiting for relief of his applauding post*
Relief is here. *Takes behemoth's place in applauding.*
July 14th, 2005  
thats right, because there is only the american way. if you aren't with them, you are against them.
grow up, the world is not strictly black and white, there are shades of grey. countries dont have to agree with you, thats the beauty of being individual, and they shouldn't feel pressured in any way to do anything, if they are, then someone is playing the bully.

again, this is not humour and should be filed under "mind numbingly patriotic drivel"

lets not forget, the "job" still isn't finished in iraq, or afghanistan for that matter, and we are no closer to "winning" the war on terrorism than we were on september 10 2001. once you have "won" it, or deposed of a tyranically reigeme in a country that has no financial advantage (ie, doing it for the good of the people, not because of your agenda) then you can start crowing
July 14th, 2005  
OMG! Would some MOD please lock this before it turns into yet another political battle. I'm sorry I posted it. Note that It is in the joke section and should be taken as a light hearted jest not a political ploy to brain wash you. MY GOD!
July 14th, 2005  
C/2nd Lt Robot
Let's hear it for locke for sucking that fun out of it. *applauds*
July 14th, 2005  
im sorry abt the political comments i made, i should have just siad, i dont find it funny.
oh well
July 14th, 2005  
Charge 7
Okay well I don't see much "humor" in it either. Particulary ending NATO, NAFTA, and shots at Canada and Mexico. This isn't 1935 - it's 2005. Isolationism isn't an option let alone something to be held up as an ideal.