Why Bobby can't qualify with the M-16

June 28th, 2005  

Topic: Why Bobby can't qualify with the M-16

We were on FTX in Camp Atterbury and out in the field so the use of the latrine required the use of a "catbox". There was one particular genius an E-5 who was about as bright as a 5 watt light bulb. Now before you start saying I am biased I need to give you a lil background on Bobby. Now Bobby was from Martinsville, Indiana and a pig farmer by both trade and family tradition. He resided in the sumptuous quarters of a double-wide mobile home set a bit out in the woods. Now when you live in the woods you occasionally will have encounters with various forms of wildlife as most of you already know. This one night a bat got into Bobby's maison and he attempted to remove as best he knew how. He took the 12 gauge off the shelf and unloaded indoors with 3 1/2 magnum buckshot rounds in an attempt to kill the bat. He missed drill that weekend cuz it was raining and he had to patch the holes on the domicile. But back to the story at hand now that you have a bit of an idea who we're dealing with. Bobby had one man in the unit he knew he could trust with anything as he was just a shade dumber than Bobby, his name was Clive. Now Bobby and Clive were the two machine shop guys in our heavy maintenance company and were a kingdom unto themselves, especially in the field. We were all sitting about cleaning weapons, (aka complainin' about how we'd rather be back in the bar with a cold one right about then), playing cards and just generally engaging in a healthy round of grab-a$$ when all of a sudden there is static on the radios. Since we were all pretty much present and accounted for this was something that piqued our curiosity and we turned the volume up and everybody heard the distinct sound of a grown man whispering over the airwaves...

"Psst, psst, Clive are you there?"
"Yeah, who's this?"
"Clive this is Bobby, is anybody listenin'?"
"Clive I need you to bring me a pair of BDU bottoms."
"I think I dun sh@t myself"
"Why'd ya do that?"
"I missed the cathole."
"That's kinda dumb."
"Don't tell no body."
Apparently ol' Bobby's depth perception just wasn't what it used to be.

Now to our credit we did last about 10 seconds after he strolled into camp before we all fell down laughing and just generally falling over each other pi$$ing ourselves. We were doing just fine till somebody asked him if he knew where the latrine was. Needless to say this ol' boy's life remained a living misery at our hands for quite a spell.
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