Second Thoughts?

March 22nd, 2015  

Topic: Second Thoughts?

Apologies on the length...Fore-warning

I am a new member here, obviously, so bear with how common a question or concern this may be. I had always had this fascination and passion for the US Army since I was a kid, grew up with a father who was in a tanker unit and a LONG family line of servicemen.

I had attempted to enlist in the US Army Reserves back in 2010, but I wasn't going in for the right reasons. I hadn't signed a thing, but upon time to select an MOS, I wasn't too keen on what I was afforded, and declined the offers. The recruiter in charge of the Recruiting Center where I went, drove all the way to MEPS, took me in the back, tried to intimidate me into enlisting, took me in the back office and pretty much chewed me the f___ out for not going with the flow. I went to college and got my degree in criminal justice and am now in the hiring process to be a cop.

Now, knowing that, for the next 5 years I would be bothered by my action of withdrawing, whether it be reminders from former friends, current friends who ARE enlisting/enlisted, or anything. It just followed me and bothered me ever since. I got this bug in my a** to look into it again, and discovered that all the former recruiters in the station were fired for "unethical behavior", all replaced by a whole new crop of people. Heh, one of my co-workers is enlisting in The Guard, and I'd been razzing her in the process since I knew how it all worked, jokingly of course. She turns to me and says "You say it like YOU'RE a soldier." THAT was when this started again. That is what hit me in the loins and triggered that fire, after all these years. Maybe there is still a part of me that still believes in this cause

For some the process began, this paralyzing fear did too. I don't know why, but for some reason this idea just terrifies the hell out of me. Possibly the fear of the unknown? Maybe fear of getting screwed over like my last recruiters tried on me, fear of failure, I don't know. I didn't feel this way last time, but then again last time I was piss and vinegar and kind of on a suicide-mission to fight the good fight. My mind has been back-and-forthing ever since. I know that I NEED to do this or else I may never find peace(I mean cmon, 1/2 decade later and it still follows me), but I can't understand why I've become so nervous. I mean I've never been nervous about anything, fighting, life plans, careers, but this.....Aside from the cliche: Just do it. what could I do to not make this such a nerve-racking thing? Frankly, I don't understand why, but eh, it's there. Even when my mind drifts on the subject, my whole mood just goes bleak and I hit this circling pattern of doubt and fear. I am a small guy, but in really great shape. It isn't that I am nervous of failing physical training or any of that, I am NO stranger to hard work. I just don't get it....
March 23rd, 2015  
All i know is you better be in the right mind set or you may find yourself like me - kicked out.

I grew up in a military family myself and i really didnt want to enlist, but at the same time i always did - maybe you understand this feeling. Anyway, at 19 I went and did basic and my schooling then was sent home on leave before heading out to my first duty station.

I ended up partying so hard that a weekend turned into two weeks. I crawled back to base and got into a pissing match with a Sargent, and was charged with awol, missing a troop movement, failure to obey direct orders and disrespecting a nco.

I did 8 months in confinement and was given a bad conduct discharge. I dont blame anyone but myself, but at the same time i see people getting bcds for torturing people and that bothers me.

Being that Im older now and my shit is more squared away, Id actually be a decent solider. Too bad im 37 and Id have to fight and get my BCD overturned. The military is what you make of it though, I still promoted it to a few buddies who went and are 3-4 yrs from 20

I guess if youre not willing to sacrifice the life youre accustomed to, dont do it. As you know by being in a military family too, theres a lot of sacrifice "everyone" has to make directly or indirectly - something i wasnt ready to do at 19.


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