THE SANTA CLAUS CONSPIRACY!




 
--
Boots
 
December 2nd, 2011  
Seehund
 

Topic: THE SANTA CLAUS CONSPIRACY!


For years now, they've lied to us. But now the biggest conspiracy since the incorporation of Yule into Christianity has been uncovered: There is no Santa Claus. Who wasn't told this absurd lie? For many, it was even by their parents! And who is behind this conspiracy? The C.I.A., MI6, the FSB. or perhaps Mr. Macy? Was is an attempt by the Freemasons to boost their power with lies? I have calculated the facts and come to the shocking result: there is no Santa Claus!

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
December 2nd, 2011  
Big_Z
 
 
It's quite simple really, Santa's wave function has never been collapsed.

Cmon... Everyone knows Santa is real. If not then how do the presents get under the tree?
December 2nd, 2011  
Seehund
 
It has all the earmarks of a classic conspiracy: The False Flag event to modify behavior, the Big Lie presenting impossible feats as real, even tantalizing clues purposefully spread throughout the Official Story for those In The Know.

There are even a number of JREFers who are part of it. Are you one of them?
--
Boots
December 2nd, 2011  
roamsk
 
 
Please...Lawyerly & Documentary evidence aside, including but not limited to "Miracle on the 34th Street" and the letter "Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus", I have MYSELF visited when I was 10 years old the real village of Santa Claus in Korvatunturi, near Rovaniemi, Finland, and I have myself seen and even touched the reindeer, and they showed us how the villagers of that place tend to them by day, while at night, as they explained to us, Santa's Elves help them !

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIzOY_ZG58A&feature=related"]The Real Santa Claus lives in Finnish Lapland - YouTube[/ame]
December 2nd, 2011  
42RM
 
I find the whole Santa Claus situation rather strange, 364 days of the year we all warn children to stay away from elderly men with beards but on Xmas day we condone one prowling around their bedrooms unaccompanied.
December 2nd, 2011  
roamsk
 
 
P.S. The REAL Santa Claus of Finland is NOT to be confused with St. Nicholas originally from Myra, Turkey, who is celebrated even these days on the 6th of December, and who even actually brings other ADDITIONAL presents to good children during the night between the 5th and the 6th of December, and places them into their carefully cleaned & shined little boots and shoes placed carefully near a window sill or even in the hallway next to the entrance door, (the naughty children receiving only a stick)...I have NO clue why he seems to operate these days only in the larger regional area of South-Eastern Europe, (alongside Santa Claus, of course, who comes during the night between December 24th and 25th)...I think it is mostly the fault of some LAZY advertisers from the rest of the world that this is happenning these days...or maybe, I, personally, even tend sometimes to blame the naughty Germans plus, maybe even their on & off friends, the French, plus some possible disinformation from the Dutch, for this sad current state of affairs, (including the current state of the economy), outside of South-Eastern Europe...only some truly always professional British advertising firms, I am thinking, could possibly improve the situation in the years to come, at least in Europe. For the North-American continent I am counting on the ingenuity and dilligence of some new settlers originally from SE Europe who could, if only they would, start advertising this on their own, possibly also thus improving in the process the state of the economy over there as well...

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGB3KIUpcIQ&feature=related"]Nicholas of Myra - YouTube[/ame]
December 2nd, 2011  
84RFK
 
 
It seems like the Ducth have their own conspiracy going, a figure called Sinterklaas who's travelling with a company of "foreign-cultured" elves with an above average suntan...
Now this also takes place on the 5. and 6. of Decembre, but here it turns even more nasty as the good children gets their treats, while the bad children are in risk of kidnapping and deportation to Spain...
December 2nd, 2011  
BritinAfrica
 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 42RM
I find the whole Santa Claus situation rather strange, 364 days of the year we all warn children to stay away from elderly men with beards but on Xmas day we condone one prowling around their bedrooms unaccompanied.
Ah, I sat in my sons room with a 45 on my lap
December 2nd, 2011  
Julie
 
 
Could Santa really be a she? Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off…



Reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:


* Men can't pack a bag;
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet;
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened by being seen with all those elves;
* Men don't answer their mail;
* Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly";
* Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them;
* Having to do the "Ho-Ho-Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women;
* Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.



I can buy the fact that other mythical characters are men:
* Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous - definitely a guy;
* Cupid flies around carrying weapons; and
* Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.



Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.
But not St. Nick.






December 2nd, 2011  
42RM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BritinAfrica
Ah, I sat in my sons room with a 45 on my lap
Good idea

Julie
Go to your room - your naughty girl!
 


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