This oughta make Redneck happy!

September 2nd, 2004  
silent driller

Topic: This oughta make Redneck happy!

The Texas Solution To The Presidental Election

Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848).

We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins over President Bush. We'll miss you, too.

Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our their hands.

Here is our solution:

#1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States. (all 49 states.)

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (we will control the space industry..)

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry. (we have over 65% of it) The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT., Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the south anyway

9. We have a ready supply of workers. (just open the border when we need some more)

10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and lets not forget seafood from the gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:

Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Signed, The People in Texas
September 2nd, 2004  
Sign me up
September 2nd, 2004  
That was less funny and more just plain annoying.
September 2nd, 2004  
Jason Bourne
I wanna move to Texas, VOTE FOR BUSH.

that was funny, that was insanely funny
September 3rd, 2004  
Ha, most of the other states (not California) will probably want Texas back into the Union and start a second civil war. But Kerry can't do that cuz he's such a hippie.
September 3rd, 2004  
Silent Driller, can I buy you a beer?
September 3rd, 2004  
I was gonna move outta the US if Kerry's elected, but Texas sounds good
September 3rd, 2004  
Hehehe, Good to see Mina will be just fine in her nice warm house, eating a stake and watching TV as we freeze our asses off and munch on God-Only-Knows-How-Old-Bread.

September 5th, 2004  
C/2nd Lt Robot
*packs bags and reserves plane ticket to Texas incase armageddon happens*
September 5th, 2004  
*Pays nulli secundus a hundred dollars to carry-on a gigantic-dresser-sized-suit-case with him in it on the plane*

"Viva Le... Texas?" Oro...