Late Night Jokes




 
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Boots
 
October 27th, 2003  
Anonymous
 

Topic: Late Night Jokes


"People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when we're finished fighting there. I'm sure there are plans to rebuild the country, and a lot of times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan." óJay Leno

"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves." óDavid Letterman

"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard." óDavid Letterman

"Allied forces have hit all the Taliban military installations and bases. To give you an idea how successful these strikes have been: the Taliban has been telling young men that when they get to heaven, there may not be enough virgins to go around. They were promised 72. Now they are down to 45, but were told, 'Your virgins may vary." óJay Leno

"Everybody is talking about finding bin Laden. How about finding Dick Cheney? Where did he go? What have we got caves over here now, too? Where did he go? I think his Secret Service code name is 'Waldo." óJay Leno

"Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed." óJay Leno

"There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever been a bounty on a guy's head who wears Bounty on his head." óJay Leno

"Last night the Taliban offered to release eight Westerners if the U.S. promised not to attack. The State Department declined but thanked the Taliban for the offer, saying it really felt good to laugh again." óTina Fey on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin Laden. Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that bin Laden had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters. You think his childhood was unhappy, wait 'til we deliver his mid-life crisis." óJay Leno

"It was reported today that Osama Bin Laden has 50 brothers and sisters. Which absolutely shocked me because I had no idea he was Catholic" óConan O'Brien

"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration." óJay Leno

"The Taliban has asked Osama bin Laden to voluntarily leave the country. They said they delivered him a note asking him to leave, which is a pretty good trick considering they claim they don't even know where he is." óJay Leno

"I read in the paper today this bin Laden guy is the wealthiest guy in Afghanistan. That's when you know your government is no good, when the wealthiest guy in the country lives in a cave." óJay Leno

"There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel like a woman in their country." óJay Leno

"There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk with the Taliban, apparently they were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad." óJay Leno

"U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They should transfer bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits, screw up his statement and nickel and dime him to death with service charges." óJay Leno

"More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Usama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil investments. This way, he can use the money in his war against capitalism." óJay Leno

"The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt." óJay Leno

"More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton." óJay Leno

"This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get his money, he'll be dead in a week." óJay Leno
October 27th, 2003  
Redleg
 
 
Great ones!

Thanks a lot!
November 28th, 2003  
USMCdevilpup
 
 
heh...i like the clinton one.
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Boots
January 19th, 2007  
Sevens
 
 
Those are awesome!!!
January 19th, 2007  
tomtom22
 
 
January 21st, 2007  
Padre
 
 

all winners.
January 21st, 2007  
Team Infidel
 
 
those are very funny