HOROSCOPE

AQUARIUS: (Jan. 20 -- Feb. 18)
You have an inventive mind, but you are quite naive. You are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are very stupid. Suicide is your best option.

PISCES: (Feb. 19 -- Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often believe you are being followed by the CIA or KGB. You have minor influence on your associates. People resent you. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces do terrible things to small animals in private.

ARIES: (Mar. 21 -- Apr. 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. ARIES like to fondle per-pubescence children. You will spend many years in an isolation cell to protect you from the other inmates.

TAURUS (Apr. 20 -- May 20)
You are practical and persistent. Generally you are closed-minded. Occasionally you will work like hell. Most people think you are bull-headed. Since you cannot change you will be the first to be laid off and remain unemployed.

GEMINI (May 21 -- Jun. 21)
You are a quick and irrational thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you expect too much out of life. This means you are cheap and empty-headed. Gemini’s are fond of committing incest. Most Gemini’s are legally aborted.

CANCER (Jun. 22 -- Jul. 22)
You are sympathetic of other people’s problems but you are clue-less. People think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are CANCERS.

LEO (Jul. 23 -- Aug. 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most LEOs are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. You arrogance is disgusting. LEOs are usually thieves. Luckily for the rest of us, you will not survive long.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 -- Sept. 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This neurotic nick-picking is sickening to your few friends. You are cold and unemotional. Most Vireos are impotent and fail miserably at love making. Viragos are known for being mass murders.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 -- Oct. 23)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are most likely queer. LIBRA women are generally prostitutes. Chances of employment and monetary gains are excellent, but you will die young of a horrible venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 -- Nov. 21)
You are probably a politician and cannot be trusted. You will achieve a degree of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio’s are murdered in prison because they are traitors to one and all.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 -- Dec. 21)
You are foolishly optimistic. You have a reckless tendency to rely of luck since you totally lack talent. The majority of Sagittarius’s are drunks or dope addicts. Even your mother avoids you. SAGITTARIUS are apt be schizophrenic S&M freaks.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 -- Jan. 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risk. You are also extremely lazy. There has never been a CAPRICORN of any importance. If given a fair chance, Capricorn’s will screw things up. You will probably die in poverty. Capricorn’s are really dreary people who never get invited to parties.

Damn, Im a SAGITTARIUS and Im nothing like that, whered you find this stuff from?

hmmm..... im a leo, and its almost correct!

Im a pisces and its totally wrong! but it was funny to read

I guess the point being that, when a horoscope says something nice and vague people say "I'm just like that! I AM practical, and most people DO like me!"
But when it says "You stink like jock straps" we tend to discredit it.
http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=astrology

yea, when u read stuff like this u think, "What kind of idiot believes this crap?" Comedy Rule #1 Stupid things=funny (most of the time). Like i said it was fun to read because it was WRONG.

ummmmmm BS.

Funny stuff, even though I'm Gemini and nothing like that.

I'm SCORPIO so if i dont get arrested i will pass just fine i think !!!!

i'm capricorn and I'm nothing like THAT!