New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!



I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.'

We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some a**hole that desperately deserves it will
make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am.
Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell?

Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-*****.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys..We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however...
I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...
in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!

If nothing else, put them on border patrol.
They'll have it secured the first night!

ok...raise your right hand
no no dummy your other right hand !!!!

As an ex-draftee who became a "lifer" I don't support a draft, do you really want to trust your life to a guy who doesn't want to be there?

However, as one of the old farts you describe I think you make some good points.
I don't doubt the "killing" part - what worries me is the "humping" part of the job - I know I couldn't keep up anymore.

A different option might be considered. Years ago I saw a paper going around Ft. Bragg (supposedly unofficial). The paper went into detail about taking all the kids GI's had spawned, all over the world, and raising them to be replace their fathers.

In the old days this might have worked but now I understand it is almost impossibe for a GI to get laid, outside finding another responding soldier.

Even in Korea it is a UCMJ offence to pay for sex - and unlike in our day, they actually enforce this perversion!

And, of course, in the muslim areas where far too many of our guys are fighting, they can't even get a drink.
Can't drink, can't chase tail - not any Army I want to serve in.
　
"When I saw her panties my pecker fluttered like a pigeon having a heart attack, at my age it was good knowing it would at least flutter." Bruce Campbell, Bubba Ho Tep

Originally Posted by muscogeemike

As an ex-draftee who became a "lifer" I don't support a draft, do you really want to trust your life to a guy who doesn't want to be there?

However, as one of the old farts you describe I think you make some good points.
I don't doubt the "killing" part - what worries me is the "humping" part of the job - I know I couldn't keep up anymore.

A different option might be considered. Years ago I saw a paper going around Ft. Bragg (supposedly unofficial). The paper went into detail about taking all the kids GI's had spawned, all over the world, and raising them to be replace their fathers.

In the old days this might have worked but now I understand it is almost impossibe for a GI to get laid, outside finding another responding soldier.

Even in Korea it is a UCMJ offence to pay for sex - and unlike in our day, they actually enforce this perversion!

And, of course, in the muslim areas where far too many of our guys are fighting, they can't even get a drink.
Can't drink, can't chase tail - not any Army I want to serve in.
　
"When I saw her panties my pecker fluttered like a pigeon having a heart attack, at my age it was good knowing it would at least flutter." Bruce Campbell, Bubba Ho Tep

lighten up dude. this is the humor forum

I assure you I was attempting to be humorous, although maybe too subtle. Replacing ourselves with our illegitimate offspring is funny in a dark way, but I do concede there isn’t much funny about not being able to drink or pursue sex.

“Most humans are descended from apes; redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain

Quite true, especially the name rank and serial number-

Like...

Name? Thats kinda hard to remember, dude....

Rank? Well... I was a recruit back in basic training.. what is the date today...?

Serial number? Look, I have enough problem trying to remember today's date, okay?

Hey! That picture is of Hagar from usenet group alt.alien.visitors. You wander in the same places I do?

Lonnie Courtney Clay

Heh that made me chuckle. Well written

Both of my grannies (God bless their souls) could fight like men. They had a punch that would floor even the likes of Muhammad Ali apart from that, they could talk someone to death. My granddad often said, "Thank goodness I'm deaf," while turning off his hearing aid.

Good post NAMVET