The Chaplain's finest hour.

The Chaplain's finest hour.
May 28th, 2007  
Del Boy

Topic: The Chaplain's finest hour.

The Chaplain's finest hour.
The young army chaplain had an important appointment at a big cathedral service. On his arrival the Bishop asked him if he would kindly deliver the day's sermon.
The nervous chaplain explained that he would, on such an occasion, suffer from stage-fright. The Bishop tells him, listen, i have the same problem. My solution is a little whisky. Take a few decent shots before you go on, just to loosen up. The occasion will then take over and see you through.

He enjoys the experience and afterwards seeks out the Bishop to ask his opinion of his performance.

Actually, very good my boy. You pulled it off. Just a few tiny points I would like to make to help you in future. First, it is not a good idea, at the end of your sermon, to tear up your notes and throw them at the congregation. Secondly, it is always best at the end to leave the pulpit by the steps, and not slide down the hand -rail.

And lastly, please try to remember in future that David's sling was full of SHOT.
May 28th, 2007  
Team Infidel

June 12th, 2007  
The Chaplain's finest hour.
March 24th, 2009  
March 24th, 2009  
I received this in an e-mail once...

Memo to A New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say, "He was stoned off his ass"
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
March 26th, 2009  
A Can of Man
hahaha I like that version AB Shorts Momma
March 26th, 2009  
Thanks! I got that many years ago... although I couldn't remember all of the lessons, I never forgot the line about the Virgin Mary...

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