C.R.A.P. - Command Reduction of Army Personnel




 
--
Boots
 
August 28th, 2004  
Aaron
 

Topic: C.R.A.P. - Command Reduction of Army Personnel


As a result of DOD budget cutbacks, we are forced to reduce the size of the force. Under CRAP, older soldiers will go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of lower paid soldiers who represent the Army's future.

A program to phase out older soldiers via retirement by the end of the current fiscal year will be placed in effect. The program will be known as Retire Active Personnel Early (RAPE).

Soldiers who are RAPEd will be given the opportunity to seek civilian employment within the Department of the Army. To that end, RAPEd soldiers will be required to fill out numerous DA Forms (currently in the development, test, and evaluation stage) detailing their education and experience. This phase does not guarantee retired soldiers a civil service position; it does, however, guarantee that the soldier's unique capabilities will be considered before being bypassed in the hiring process. This phase of CRAP is known as Survey of Capabilities of Retired Warriors (SCREW).

Soldiers who have been RAPEd and SCREWed may request review of their situation by higher authority. This is the Study by Higher Authority Following Termination (SHAFT) phase.

CRAP policy dictates that a soldier may be RAPEd once, SCREWed twice, but may be SHAFTed as many times as the Army leadership deems appropriate.

If a soldier follows the above procedures, he or she will be entitled to get Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance (HERPES). As HERPES is considered a benefit payment, any soldier who gets HERPES will no longer be RAPEd or SCREWed by the Army.

The Army leadership wishes to assure younger soldiers who remain on active duty that the Army will continue its policy of ensuring that soldiers are well trained through our Special High Intensity Training (SH*T) program. The Army takes pride in the amount of SH*T our soldiers receive and can boast that it gives its soldiers more SH*T than any other service.

If a soldier feels he or she does not get enough SH*T, see your commander. Your commander is especially trained to make sure you receive all the SH*T you can stand.
August 28th, 2004  
Redleg
 
 
That one is a classic..
August 28th, 2004  
bonnieblue716
 
 
LMAO! man that was is good, I wish my military webpage wasn't so child friendly or this joke would defintly have to go on there. I'm printing this out for all my friends to read though. It's a classic, to cool.








I can not do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good I can do.
--
Boots
August 29th, 2004  
Aaron
 
ty i quite the comedian
August 29th, 2004  
MIA
 
lol
August 29th, 2004  
Darkmb101
 
that ones for the record books
August 29th, 2004  
Aaron
 
sweet and im only 14 i didn't know i was so funny
August 30th, 2004  
AFSteliga
 
 
My god......that's the funniest thing I've seen all week. Printing now.
August 31st, 2004  
Mwashu
 
Ah! My uncle was so totally RAPEd and SCREWed. I oughta send this to him to enjoy, as he's got the personal relation to it and all. ^_^ Totally hilarious. Made me curse at my Grandma!
September 1st, 2004  
Aaron
 
I hope this joke makes a lot of peoples day just that little bit better