sex isn't a big deal anyway! whats the big thing if she did have sex before marriage, u can love someone before marrying them, sex is simply an act of love, some people think of it as dirty, its not, modern society is a lot more open about it these days. its not the naughty, dirty act people were once ashamed of, its called society maturing!

you see, i blame the media for everything. they have made sex, well, sexy!
by constant exposure to it via newspapers, radio, tv oh and lets not forget the internet!, it has had the effect of dulling the meaning of sex
while our parents and grandparents viewed sex as "making love" the modern generation see to view it as "f***ing" someone. which to me implies it is very stark and emotionless, its just anohter action, just like brushing your teeth, there is nothing special about it
too many of my friends have entered relationships to be used for sex. if they dont do something, they dont get it, almost like punishment. this to me devalues to the whole experience, and reinforces that societies values are shifting considerably.

and for you guys out there who are "nice" and want a girl with similar morals and interests but cant find them, take heart :

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what *******s guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

i just think people make to much of a big deal about it. its only having sex! i love my boyf (more recently my fiance! ) with all my heart which is why sleeping with him is so special to me, i just think that people thinking like "oh she had sex before marriage, shock, horror, stone her!" is very old fashioned, its not that big a deal!

OK if Iasked you for sex , saying if you fancied me what would you say??

And if no, why? its 'only sex'

id say no: iv got a boyf (fiance) whom i wouldnt cheat on: and that is a complete different debate.

just wondering but would this whole woman being 'used goods' also apply to men? or are ye allowed to sleep around while us females stay the traditional sweet virginal shy lady?

Originally Posted by irishgal

id say no: iv got a boyf (fiance) whom i wouldnt cheat on: and that is a complete different debate.

just wondering but would this whole woman being 'used goods' also apply to men? or are ye allowed to sleep around while us females stay the traditional sweet virginal shy lady?

There are some problem areas like, men don't have to carry the "mistake" or "accident" for nine months. I mean, I could look at a man and never know if he was used goods or not but with a woman, it's pretty difficult to miss a six month pregnancy. Just a thought to you younger folks. My Wife and I have been married 42 years this past October. We found that after about three years, you have to look at each other and be able to enjoy communication and closeness. The sex is great and just a small part of love between two people who plan to spend their lives together. As for faithfulness, would you want your Wife/Husband to be in a competition with you taking lovers? If the answer is yes, don't get married. Get a hobby.

ok, i meant a woman being 'used goods' as in having had sex before marriage, not being pregnant! ha ha!

once your married ur wit that person and only that person forever, before u get married it doesn't matter who u have slept with, it shouldn't matter to the person u are married to, it happened before ye met, anything before that time has no baring to the relationship with your husband/wife. times have changed since u got married there aren't as much hangups on women sleeping with men before marriage, they aren't treated like the devil anymore! personally i think thats good, women talk about sex more, society in general is more open about it.

my boyf/fiance knows that i have slept with men before him and it doesn't bother him at all because he loves me for me not for what i have done in the past he doesn't analyse my past in order to determine whether he should be with me like the older generation seem to have done! to be honest its kinda sexist why do ye make a huge thing over a 'wife' or 'woman' being a virgin, what about a man? why is there such a difference?

and when i do get married my husband wont have to compete with lovers because id never cheat on him now or then.

Whether the guy will mind depends on whether he likes HISTORY...

If the girl's (sexual) History bothers him or not.

When my wife and I met we were just kissing and hugging and did not have sex until two months or so had passed. We had sex when we figured out we were a couple, and it then felt safe and right to do so.

We were hanging together for three years until we married and sex became a natural part of our relationship. What we learnt about ourselves during this period became later an important part of our marriage. Being secure on our own body and sexuality, what we like and don't like, and being explored before marriage made the marriage even more natural for us.

What people decide to do is up to them selves, but I think that being experienced with your partner before marriage can help preventing problems in your marriage when it comes to sexuality.

Remember guys and gals, there is a physical way to prove virginity(as everyone should know) but God didn't see fit to put the same burden of proof on the Male of the species. Why do you think that is?

Originally Posted by Missileer

Remember guys and gals, there is a physical way to prove virginity(as everyone should know) but God didn't see fit to put the same burden of proof on the Male of the species. Why do you think that is?

That is too ridiculous to even ponder.....lol

Anyway, the only thing that I would hope to find true here, is that those who would want their future wife to be a virgin, are expecting the same of themselves. There should be no double standard where morality and ideas about sexual morality or immorality are concerned. So if you are expecting that women have sex with you without the committment of marriage, then you should very well expect that the woman who you choose to marry may have had previous sexual experiences.