WOMEN ARE LIKE...

Team Infidel

Team Infidel

Forum Spin Doctor
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...the stock market[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...computers[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...Saran Wrap[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Useful but clingy.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...horses[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...parking meters[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...fax machines[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...political campaign contributors[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...refrigerators[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...blue jeans[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]...country western songs[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot. [/FONT]
 
Why are women like snow flakes??

They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can all be cold as ice.
But they'll all melt when they land on your face......
 
Who lands on what?

ShowLetter
 
cold as ice huh TI? Well, in return to that...

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head. --(My personal favorite)
What do men and beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
 
[SIZE=-1]What dominates the thoughts of men at different stages in their lives:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1] [/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1] Ages Primary Concern[/SIZE] [SIZE=-1] 0-3 Pooping[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1] 4-10 Guns[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1] 11-14 Sex[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1] 15-20 Sex[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1] 20-40 Sex[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1] 40-60 Sex[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1] 60-? Pooping[/SIZE]

[SIZE=-1]
[SIZE=-1]Recent studies have resulted in a discovery to aid baldness in men. [/SIZE] [SIZE=-1]When applied regularily to the affected area, the common over-the-counter product Preparation H, produced promising results. It doesn't restore nor grow new hair, instead it shrinks a big head to better accomodiate what hair already exists.[/SIZE]

[/SIZE]

[SIZE=-1][/SIZE] [SIZE=-1]FUNNY COMPARISON BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=-1]MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]Most 17-year old females can function as adults. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women. (Except me, of course)[/SIZE]
 
How many men does it take to open a beer?
- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
- Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
- She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
- It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
- Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
- The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
- A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right.
- I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!
- I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.
- It's called wedding cake.

Marriage is a three ring circus:
- Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
- I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
- Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
- They want to.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."
- The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."
 
hahahaha nice one TI but....


What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.

Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
 
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better then a woman


..10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

..9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

..8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

..7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.

..6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.

..5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

..4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

..3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

..2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top