Women Jokes

Team Infidel

Team Infidel

Forum Spin Doctor
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.

How many men does it take to please a woman.
Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A women who won't do what she's told.

Why did the woman cross the road?
That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her where the sun don't shine.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
 
MEN........

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Men are proof that women can take a joke.[/FONT]

There's no sin in loving men. Only pain!

Men are like gum -- after awhile, they lose their flavor.

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.

If men could menstruate ... clearly, menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event: Men would brag about how long and how much.... Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammed Ali’s Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields —”For Those Light Bachelor Days.”

Do you have any idea what's available to a woman of 33? Married men. Drunks. Pretty boys looking for someone to support them. Lunatics looking for their fifth divorce! It's quite a list, isn't it?

Men have always detested women’s gossip because they suspect the truth: their measurements are being taken and compared.

Men make clothes for the women they’d like to be with or—in most cases—the women they’d like to be.

The male chromosome is an incomplete female chromosome. In other words, the male is a walking abortion; aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.

Men have one advantage in life, they can pee on a tree.

Men are good for one thing, but how often do you need to parallel park?

Never let your man's mind wander......its too small to be let out by its self.

The only good men are dating each other.
 
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