Tankboy
The Brit Pack
I'm sure he's talking about his "liaisons" with you?
I'm sure he was on about his trips to Union Street!!!!
Wimens
I'm sure he was on about his trips to Union Street!!!!
The Highway Man
Brit Pack 2I/C
They should be done under the trades description act!!! they're not wearing bikinis, that's dental floss!!!
I3BrigPvSk
The Viking
They should be done under the trades description act!!! they're not wearing bikinis, that's dental floss!!!
Even better with dental floss, it comes very handy when you are dealing with them
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
They should be done under the trades description act!!! they're not wearing bikinis, that's dental floss!!!
Even better!
:whip:I'm not going to complain!
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
I3BrigPvSk
The Viking
m551sheridan
Active member
thought this might be a good place to post this
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while .. then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H,I, J, K."
She asks ... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said .. "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J,K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic
about saving his testicles.
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while .. then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H,I, J, K."
She asks ... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said .. "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J,K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic
about saving his testicles.
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Why not all of them? Can you handle that?
I didn't want to be greedy. Got to leave some for my fellow brothers!
I'm nice like that!
m551sheridan
Active member
The Love Dress
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end.
Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.
He can't get enough of me"
The mother-in-law left.
When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights,
put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. " What's for dinner?
His funeral was held three days later.
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end.
Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.
He can't get enough of me"
The mother-in-law left.
When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights,
put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. " What's for dinner?
His funeral was held three days later.
The Highway Man
Brit Pack 2I/C
Bollox CF!!! you'd be on them like a car bonnet without a care or thought for us lot.
m551sheridan
Active member
COSMIC LAWS
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Olivers Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
If you don't forward this to your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew - and your butt will fall off.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
10. Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater &Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Olivers Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
If you don't forward this to your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew - and your butt will fall off.
m551sheridan
Active member
Have You Heard? Senior Citizens
An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."
The clerk told her that $250.00 was the "standard rate", so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use." "But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel was famous.. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the Manager said.
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!", and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager. "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens
An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."
The clerk told her that $250.00 was the "standard rate", so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use." "But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel was famous.. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the Manager said.
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!", and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager. "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens
m551sheridan
Active member
OH HOW IMPORTANT TO WALK THE WALK & NOT JUST
TALK THE TALK !!!!!!!
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her
chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a
very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..
He took her to the police station where she was searched,
fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting
with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were
blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder,
the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish
emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."
Priceless
TALK THE TALK !!!!!!!
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her
chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a
very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..
He took her to the police station where she was searched,
fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting
with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were
blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder,
the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish
emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."
Priceless
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Bollox CF!!! you'd be on them like a car bonnet without a care or thought for us lot.
Me? Whatever gives you that impression? :angel:
I wasn't thinking of you anyway!
The Highway Man
Brit Pack 2I/C
Well feck off then greedy arse!!! :9mm::9mm::9mm:
Pvt. Parts
Active member
That is very true. The cold and dark winter nights and almost no sun the whole year... what else ya gonna do?
One round with the pals and you feel so much closer already ! :horsie:
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
Come and say that to my face then big man, I dare ya! :horsie:
Capt Frogman
Brit Pack (Troop Commander)
I find myself in the same situation, nothing but rain all year round.
:rock: 
You mean one round of sodomising every hole on the body?
Have we met? :lol: