nellebelle said:
I have read through this and absolutely appalled at some of the things that have been implied. Would any of you whine about the cost if it was your "real child"? Has anybody priced a delivery, with the cost of meds, drugs, complications, etc? It is pretty darn expensive. If you are wanting a child as bad as you say then cost should not be an issue.
Right, so lets just bump the price up to $100,000 since absolutely everybody has a spare $100,000 to spend. Pocket change!! One BIG underlying point is that 100% of the costs involved (especially for the examples cited) are not compensating the mother in any way, shape of fashion. They are fees paid to lawyers, foreign governments, American government agencies, the adoption agencies themselves, court fees, etc.
Out of curiosity, did you receive a payout compensating you for the medical costs of everything?? If you did, then good. I'm all in favor of it. But that is
absolutely not the thing that drives the price up. For $30,000 we're talking about not even bothering with compensation of the biological mother at all, at least in most cases. Considering that, how much more does providing reimbursement to the mother cost?
They are a h*ll of a lot more expensive once you get them home. We just spent $140 on medicine for my daughter. What for you may ask. Only an ear infection and her asthma medicine. I would have gladly dropped 10 times more then that if it was something to make my daughter better. Not to mention the diapers, formula, clothes, toys, enrollment fees for school, car when they get older, prom, graduation.....need I go on?
Right, which all could have come out of the $30,000 you paid get through the adoption process. That's $30,000 that you just lose, without the option of using it on the adopted child.
Next, I don't think that a woman wants to just "give her child away" or "doesn't want it."
In China, baby girls turn up in dumsters every single day. Why? Because for a variety of reasons, the mother did not want the child. In fact, she did not want it badly enough to murder it. I think its pretty safe to say that a woman who abandons her child to die in similar fashion ... doesn't want her baby. Wouldn't you agree? Numerous examples exist of the same thing happening right here in the good ol' USA. Remember the story of the girl who had her baby at her High School Prom? She had the baby in the restroom, threw it in the trash (where the baby died) and continued to dance the night away. Do you honestly think that she wanted her baby?
Yes, there are most certainly cases where a mother really and truly does not want her baby. But in general, you are quite correct: Most mothers who put a baby up for adoption love their child and it is a terrible emotional decision for them. My heart goes out to them, each and every one of them.
When I was 16 I had a son that I put up for adoption. Not because I wanted too but because I knew that was what was best for him. I could not take care of him, decided not to have an abortion and gave him the best that I could at that time.
Good for you. That's the entire point that was being made, was it not? The baby is adopted by parents who can provide better for the child and have a stable marriage, thusly a good environment for a child to grow up in. I don't think that adoptive parents should be required to have the money on hand sufficient to buy their adoptive child a brand new BMW for the 16th birthday, should they? There is a word for what comes of that: Spoiled brat. God knows, we've got WAY too many of those in this country already.
So that is not only an incorrect way of thinking but a really hateful thing to say. God forbid you do get a child and tell him or her "Your real mom didn't want you so we had to spend way too much money to buy you." Please! I thank my lucky stars that the couple that adopted my baby are as great and loving as they are not only to him but to me and mine also.
That's a nice story, but I'm not following you when you say "that is not only an incorrect way of thinking but really hateful thing to say." What was a really hateful thing to say?????? :shock: :shock:
What kind of adoptive parents are going to b*tch and moan to their adopted child about "how much you cost and the fact that your mother never loved you." Where in the hell did that come from????? Well ... I sure as hell never said any such thing.
By the way, I'm 100% in favor of remaining in contact with the biological mother. The only reservation is the fact that it sometimes leads to the biological mother suing for custody several years after the baby is adopted. That's a large part of the reason that most adoptions are completely sealed in the courts and that it is a complete nightmare to ever contact the biologcal parents. I'd be 100% in favor of any suggestion that would make the situation more liveable for all parties involved.
I am saying that if the mentality is that adoption costs too much then what happens later when the kid wants a new pair of expensive shoes, clothes or wants to be sent to college. These things are going to end up costing a lot more in the long run. If there is b*itching and moaning about the cost of adoption now when having a child of your own would cost almost as much, minus the legal fees, then what will it be like later?
By that same standard, you end up banning about half the parents in America from ever having children. My wife and I make about $30,000 per year right now.
Thank heavens we won't always be stuck in this income level!! But what about those that are stuck there? Essentially, if you cannot have children naturally, you can't have them period ...
unless you make over X certain amount of money per year. If you make less than the required amount, you take out mortgages on homes, sell things, scrimp and save ... all to pay out a gigantic chunk of change that
absolutely is not doing anything to improve the life of the child being adopted. Additionally, in most cases nothing is being done for the biological mother with all that money. So either the parents are pretty rich or the child is adopted into a family that went deeply into debt to adopt them. Considering that you are guaranteed to have plenty of the latter (those that took out a loan for the $30,000), you've succeeded in placing a child into a family that is deeply in debt. Does this seem wise to anybody?
By the way, I don't think that I'm a finacial tight-ass for daring to think that the adoption process shouldn't cost $30,000. What that price-tag makes me think of, I already stated: There is a mother or parents who don't want or cannot keep a baby. There is a set of parents that are willing to take the baby and raise it as their own. The birth parent or parents give up the child and the child is adopted. What in the hell is costing $30,000 here?? Sure isn't going to the birth mom. Sounds to me like everybody involved is taking advantage of the situation, doesn't it?
) had to take an ambulance ride to go to a different hospital, in a different town, pushed for 4 hours, then had to have an emergency c-section. They have never complained about the cost. They were happy to have a healthy child to love and to hold. They are a couple that can not have children "the old fashioned way" so they saw an opportunity to have a child, weighed out the pros and cons and decided that having a child was important enough to pay $30,000+ in dr bills, legal fees and such.