Vikings

Trooper1854

The Brit Pack
Three Viking long boats approach the English coast.
The first one glides up on to the beech.
Its oars are shipped in perfect unison and the sail is stowed away with precision.
The crew disembark and form up in three perfect ranks.
The lead Viking stands to attention infront of his men.
"Right men! Forward to pillage!" Off they charge in unison.
The second one glides up on the beech in exactly the same manner as the first.
The crew make the ship good, disembark, form up in 3 ranks.
Their leader shouts "Forward to murder men!" they run off in step chanting war cries in perfect unison.
The final boat crashes on to the beech, snapping oars.
The tattered sail flaps in the breeze as the scruffy, tired looking crew fall over the sides and splash through the water to stand in a haphazzard ragged arse bunch.
"Ok men", puffs and pants the leader, "lets go, rape, again"
 
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn....
- Old Viking saying....

:viking:
 
When I was single.... my pickup line.

You should be glad I`m not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.
 
At my age Id rather have a cuppa tea.

Good lor did I REALLY say that????:shoothea::shoothea::shoothea:


That bad, huh, Mr Brit?:)

Kinda reminds me of an old joke I heard. Goes something like this-

An elderly gentleman went to see his his doctor for his yearly medical checkup. Once done, during the review, the doctor was going thorugh some of the gentleman's personal history, and he commented, " Mr Smith, I got to tell you, for a man of your age, you are healthy indeed, however, based on your personal history and details, I've got to tell you that you've got to do this. You have to give up some of your sex life, otherwise it might not be good for you."

So, Mr Smith said," I'll do whatever you tell me, Doctor. Now which part of my sex life you want to me give up- the talking part or the thinking part?"

I hope that is not your case, Mr Brit, Sir!:p
 
You're a naughty boy mate!

Who in the Queen's blue f#$%ing bloody hell said I was nice?!?!?!

I am the most foul mouthed dirty minded SOB that has ever walked the Earth. My thoughts are simple. Sex, food, sex, sleep, sex, kill the enemy, sex, sex, and ummmmmm..... oh yeah; SEX!
 
Who in the Queen's blue f#$%ing bloody hell said I was nice?!?!?!

I am the most foul mouthed dirty minded SOB that has ever walked the Earth. My thoughts are simple. Sex, food, sex, sleep, sex, kill the enemy, sex, sex, and ummmmmm..... oh yeah; SEX!
Have I met you before? You sound like a Royal Marine Commando :mrgreen:
 
Have I met you before? You sound like a Royal Marine Commando :mrgreen:

Sorry Charlie but I'm to good to be a Royal Marine.... I'm US Army all the way! :rock:

I respect you Limeys and your Greenie Beanies but I can't be part of the mother country.... I have to much independent spirit in me.... that and last I checked I was banned from entering the UK due to pissing off those guys in the Bear Fur hats... something about telling Para Jokes to folks that can't laugh. Oh and pissing off the London Metro PD and New Scotland Yard. Apparently cop/donuts jokes aren't correct there. :mrgreen:
 
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