The Test Pilot

AJChenMPH

Forum Health Inspector
Okay, so this made me think of the the pic I posted here.

-----

Big Iron Airplane and Engine Company announced the first flight of the new Razzle 2000 airliner. Chief test pilot Frank Lee Candid emerged from the cockpit dripping with sweat. He tried to muster a smile for the cameras and blurted out "Damn, I'm happy to be alive!"

Regaining his composure, he said the aircraft flew well and the test was "nearly according to plan." The only deviations from the expected flight test results were a few cases of high-speed flutter and one brief but violent control hard-over, responsible for the highly theatrical snap roll seen on short final. Henri Flaque, company press agent, noted that the snap roll showed the inherent strength of the Razzle 2000 airframe, holding together despite the 30% corkscrew twist of the empennage.

Aircraft systems performed "nearly flawlessly," Candid said. The sole problem was in landing gear actuator which began an uncommanded gear retraction during what was supposed to be a simple high-speed taxi run. When the gear left the runway of its own accord, Candid said he was glad for the opportunity to check out the 2000's handling. The approach was delayed briefly while the landing gear extended and retracted itself a number of times until the hydraulic power unit burned out, fortunately with the gear in a generally "down" position.

The new Thruster KY-20 turbofan was praised for retaining most of its parts during the test flight. "That's one rugged engine," Flaque said. Candid noted that the fuel consumption was "frightening," adding that checks were being made to assure that the fuel did flow through the engine and not out of a large hole in the tank. Smoke emissions were said to be well below Pittsburgh Valley standards.

Several questions to Candid had to be repeated at a louder volume, a problem Candid laughingly dismissed to a minor, temporary deafness caused by some "harmonic resonances and vibrations" experienced in the cockpit. A slight window seal leak which sucked the cigarettes out of his shirt pocket was the only other cockpit environment problem.

Candid, apparently still thinking about his experiences, was chuckling slowly and quietly under his breath when asked whether he had considered using the ejection seat, specially installed for the test program. He seemed at that moment to remember the ejection handle still in his rigidly clenched left hand, a few multicolored wires dangling from the end. Smiling sickly, he held it up for all to see, his hand trembling from the muscle tension. "Guess I'm lucky this baby didn't fire," he admitted. "We made the parachute, too!"
 
Back
Top