TECH SUPPORT !!!

tomtom22

Chief Engineer
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: Okay, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah!
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises! Listen ..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one!

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck!
Tech support: That doesn't sound good! I'll make a note!
Customer: No, wait a minute! I hadn't inserted it yet! It's still on my desk! Sorry!

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen!
Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day! How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello ... I can't print!
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha! I can't print! Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it!

Customer: I have problems printing in red!
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you!

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket!

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore!
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay!
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes!
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here! Ah .. that one does work!

Customer: I can't get on the Internet!
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars!

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail!
Tech support: Okay and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

And last, but not least ..

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob!
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P" ... on your keyboard, Bob!
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

:roll:
 
tomtom22 said:
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: Okay, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah!
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises! Listen ..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one!

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck!
Tech support: That doesn't sound good! I'll make a note!
Customer: No, wait a minute! I hadn't inserted it yet! It's still on my desk! Sorry!

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen!
Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day! How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello ... I can't print!
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha! I can't print! Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it!

Customer: I have problems printing in red!
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you!

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket!

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore!
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay!
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes!
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here! Ah .. that one does work!

Customer: I can't get on the Internet!
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars!

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail!
Tech support: Okay and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

And last, but not least ..

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob!
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P" ... on your keyboard, Bob!
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

:roll:

Here's another.

I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over.
Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error?
What's that .. in case I need to fix it again?"
Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down ...... I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold.
 
Most computer problems originate from PEBKAC. :type:

Problem
Exists
Between
Keyboard
And
Chair


My favorite is the lady who called in to complain that her coffee cup holder was broken. After a long go around trying to figure out how a computer could have a cup holder the tech finally discovered that she meant her CD tray. She had been jamming her styrofoam coffee cups into the hole in the tray and eventually it broke.
 
I used to think "naaah...can't be true", until one time (really, on a greek shop :p) some years ago, when I was going to get my PC fixed (was little, so I got a wee delete key happy...anyways) and someone called the technician on the phone. After some conversation:
"Now, open (your) Windows and tell me what you see"
(half a min later)
"Cars?! Not those windows! The Windows on your PC!"

:p
 
The one about the keyboard is my favorite. "Walk 10 steps back." "ok..." "did the keyboard come with you?" "yes it did." *dial tone.* hahaha.
 
Funny, let me see what Homer Simpson has to say about it all.....

"To start press any key . . . where's the 'any' key?"
Homer Simpson
 
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