1. WHITTINGTON LEFT THE HUNTING PARTY.
2. WHITTINGTON RETURNED TO THE HUNTING PARTY.
3. A BIRD WAS FLUSHED.
4. VP DICK CHENEY LEAD THE BIRD AND FIRED.
5. WHITTINGTON FELL.
6. WHITTINGTON WAS TREATED AT THE SCENE
(UNLIKE MARY JO KOPECNEY).
7. WHITTINGTON GAVE AN INTERVIEW AT THE HOSPITAL
(UNLIKE MARY JO KOPECNEY).
8. WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS AND LIBERALS ARE THROWN
INTO UNCONTROLLABLE HISSY-FITS!!!
FIRST, THE KENEDY COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT CLOSED ITS CASE RE VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY’S HUNTING ACCIDENT AND SAID NO CHARGES WILL BE FILED. THE VP HAS EXPRESSED HIS REGRETS IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.
LET US BEGIN BY SAYING THAT UNTIL NOW VICE PRESIDENT
CHENEY WAS NOT IN THE MIND OF MOST PEOPLE A SHARP-
SHOOTER. BUT THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU CAN’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER. NOW MOST OF WHAT HAS BEEN REPORTED HAS NOT BEEN ON TARGET. YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU ARE HUNTING, YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR POWDER DRY AND ALLOW FOR WINDAGE, LIKE FOR EXAMPLE, THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS MAY BE FLUSHED OUT LIKE A COVEY OF BIRDS!
AFTER ALL YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE ERRANT TRAJECTORY COME OUT OF YOUR RIFLING. EVEN IF YOU ARE A SURE-SHOT ONE HAS TO KEEP IN MIND THAT THE GAME IS ALMOST ALWAYS AFOOT!
HEY, TAKE A BEAD ON THIS: RUSH, ONE OF AMERICA’S FOREMOST AND IMPORTANT FIGURES, ASKED: WOULD YOU RATHER GO HUNTING WITH VP CHENEY (HE’LL TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL) OR WOULD YOU RATHER GO FOR A CAR RIDE WITH TED “HIC” KENNEDY AND MARY JO KOPECNEY (SHE NEVER MADE IT TO THE ER)?
MAYBE IF VP CHENEY HAD EMPTIED A MAGAZINE INTO HARRY WHITTINGTON, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN A STORY TO REPORT. BUT AS IT WAS STILL DAYLIGHT, THERE WAS NO SHOT IN THE DARK.
IN A SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD, VP DICK CHENEY GRANTED FOX NEWS BRIT HUME AN INTERVIEW. MIND YOU HE HAD ALREADY RELEASED THE INCIDENT INFORMATION TO TEXAS MEDIA FOUR DAYS EARLIER, BUT SHOOTING FROM THE HIP, THE VP GAVE AMERICA AN ARMOR PIERCING ACCOUNT SUCH THAT THE LIBERAL POLITICOS AND WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS WENT INTO VARIOUS DEGREES OF APOPLEXY!
ONE (OR MORE) QUESTION REMAINS: AFTER DROWNING MARY JO KOPECNEY HOW LONG WAS IT BEFORE TED “HIC” KENNEDY GAVE A WORLDWIDE INTERVIEW? MY FAVORITE: AFTER WILLY CLINTON FIRED OFF A SHOT IN THE WHITE HOUSE ON MONICA LEWINSKY, HOW LONG WAS IT BEFORE HE CAME CLEAN? MONTHS WAS IT NOT? OH, DID TED “HIC” KENNEDY GURGLE “LOCK AND LOAD” BEFORE HE SWAM AWAY FROM THE WATERY GRAVE OF MARY JO?
LOOK, THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORP HAD THEIR OWN MINOR HEART ATTACK BECAUSE THEY REALIZED LIFE REALLY CAN GO ON WITHOUT THEIR LIBERAL BIAS. BY THE WAY, THERE IS A RUMOR THAT THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS IS SO FRIGHTENED THAT THEY HAVE DECIDED TO START WEARING BRIGHT ORANGE HUNTING GEAR AND PROTECTIVE GLASSES IF THEY EVER HAVE OCCASION TO ASK THE VP QUESTIONS. IT IS NO SECRET THAT THE LIBS ARE JUST A LITTLE GUN SHY!!!!
CHARLES W XXXXXXX, PREZIDINT IN 2008
