Snake in the AO

muscogeemike

Active member
Joint Service Ops against a snake in the AO (from one of the Legacy Trilogy novels by Ian Douglas):

1. Call in the Airborne, who lands on the snake and kills it. Then they determine it is the wrong AO and the wrong snake.

2. Military Intel locates the snake using satellites. They study the snake scale by scale and watch its movements, write an extensive report on snakes, snake scales, snake lice, snake **** and snake movements, then and send it up the line to the Joint Chiefs, the CIA and NSA. Meanwhile the snake disappears.

3. The Air Force misidentifies the snake as a late model high-altitude SAM and engage it with smart missiles. They can’t tell whether or not they have killed the snake, but they go back to base for manicures and have crew chiefs paint a cool looking snake silhouette on their planes.

4. The Navy sends in SEALs, who swim in at night, march fifty k’s and hold an uncomfortable position for 24 hours, just to keep themselves from falling asleep. They ambush the snake, expend all their ammo including 3 cases of hand grenades and naval gunfire support…miss the snake, whereupon the snake bites a SEAL and dies of lead poisoning.

5. Army Special Forces make contact with the snake, talk to it in snake lingo, build rapport, win its heart and mind…then teach it to go out and kill other snakes.

6. The Army sends in Rangers who find the snake, play with it - then eat it.

7. Combat Engineers come in and prepare a 5 part study on employing counter mobility assets to kill the snake. Then complain that maneuver forces don’t understand how to properly conduct counter snake operations.

8. Armor runs over the snake - killing it - then go looking for more snakes and run out of gas.

9. Army Aviation comes in. Using a GPS to plot the snakes location to the ½ centimeter, they can’t find the snake and go back to base for a cool one.

10. Artillery masses a TOT barrage with HE and rockets, kill the snake…and several hundred civilians. The mission is declared a success and all participants, including mechanics, clerks, and cooks, are awarded Silver Stars.

11.The Navy (of course not wanting to get dirty) sends in the Marines who get lost following the snake. The President then declares the deployment a police action and make the Marines responsible for enforcing the no snake zone laws.

12. The Quartermaster Corps captures the snake, assigns it a serial number and has the local commander sign a hand receipt for one snake, green, with scales, poisonous. Later - after claiming they don’t have any snakes - they send it to a unit in Afghanistan which had ask for a rake.

13. The Coast Guard has sense enough to stay out of the whole thing.
 
We wouldn't have run out of gas in the supply tecs had sent us the Jerries instead of those Fairies. Pixxie dust every where! One of our tanks even got stuck in it.
 
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