BritinBritain
Per Ardua Ad Astra
While in the Territorial Army I was on an NCO's proficiency course for promotion from lance Corporal to Full Corporal, it was a course designed to put candidates under extreme pressure and stress to see how they would react.
During a night exercise in freezing cold weather we were carrying out various infantry tactics, wading through rivers, crawling through mud, the usual “buggeration factor.”. At around 3 am the instructors called “ENDEX” and told to report to the trucks for transport back to barracks. Filthy dirty and soaking wet were were paraded in front of the barracks and informed by a Staff Sergeant that because of the lateness of the end of the exercise, there would be no uniform inspection parade at 0600 hrs.
I thought “Yea right.” I had brought a lot of spare kit with me on the course and next morning at 0600 I was spic and span on parade, immaculately dressed.
At 0630 hours the Sergeant Major arrived and ordered, “FOR INSPECTION, OPEN ORDER, RIGHT DRESS.” As expected, when he inspected the first man he went into overdrive and bellowed, “WHO THE F:cens: DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING ON MY PARADE IN THIS STATE??? GIVE ME 20 PUSH UPS. MOOOOOOOOOVE”
The same story all along the front rank, then he came to me. He looked me up and down and said, “Ah we a have smart arse. Two paces forward lad, MOOOOOOOVE.” He walked around me, looking for the slightest infraction, checked the tightness of my webbing belt, checked the puttees were tied correctly on my boots, I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull. He couldn't find anything wrong, was about to walk away then suddenly grabbed the beret off my head, took my cap badge out and found a tiny piece of fluff under the badge. He bellowed, WHO THE F:cens: DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING ON MY PARADE IN SHITE ORDER???? GIVE ME 20 PUSH UPS AND ANOTHER 10 FOR BEING A SMART ARSE!”
During a night exercise in freezing cold weather we were carrying out various infantry tactics, wading through rivers, crawling through mud, the usual “buggeration factor.”. At around 3 am the instructors called “ENDEX” and told to report to the trucks for transport back to barracks. Filthy dirty and soaking wet were were paraded in front of the barracks and informed by a Staff Sergeant that because of the lateness of the end of the exercise, there would be no uniform inspection parade at 0600 hrs.
I thought “Yea right.” I had brought a lot of spare kit with me on the course and next morning at 0600 I was spic and span on parade, immaculately dressed.
At 0630 hours the Sergeant Major arrived and ordered, “FOR INSPECTION, OPEN ORDER, RIGHT DRESS.” As expected, when he inspected the first man he went into overdrive and bellowed, “WHO THE F:cens: DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING ON MY PARADE IN THIS STATE??? GIVE ME 20 PUSH UPS. MOOOOOOOOOVE”
The same story all along the front rank, then he came to me. He looked me up and down and said, “Ah we a have smart arse. Two paces forward lad, MOOOOOOOVE.” He walked around me, looking for the slightest infraction, checked the tightness of my webbing belt, checked the puttees were tied correctly on my boots, I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull. He couldn't find anything wrong, was about to walk away then suddenly grabbed the beret off my head, took my cap badge out and found a tiny piece of fluff under the badge. He bellowed, WHO THE F:cens: DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING ON MY PARADE IN SHITE ORDER???? GIVE ME 20 PUSH UPS AND ANOTHER 10 FOR BEING A SMART ARSE!”
