The season of goodwill is over.

BritinBritain

Per Ardua Ad Astra
I asked the missus this morning what time breakfast was, she actually swore at me . She said, and I quote, "When you get up and f:cen:king make it."

My flaber was gasted.

After all one doesn't buy a dog and barks oneself, does one?
 
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Mine replied, "When you get your fat lazy arse down the shops, buy it, bring it home and make it oh and btw it's coffee - 1/2 a sugar and don't make too much noise!!!" :shock:
 
I hadn't realised that the season of goodwill had started! I've seen no evidence of it in the CF household. :(

All adults except me are nursing epic hangovers, and some how its all my fault! :roll:

Despite working a night shift, I've been summoned from my bed to make up a large batch of bacon sarnies. :evil:

Now, where's that bottle of cyanide... :twisted:
 
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That is the difference between a pet and a spouse...

After a few years, your pet will still do the following-

1. happily greet you when you come home from work
2. wake up in the morning as a form of greeting
3. not get angry at you when you get drunk
4. still would like to snuggle up to you on cold weather

Care to add anymore, anyone...? :)
 
That is the difference between a pet and a spouse...

After a few years, your pet will still do the following-

1. happily greet you when you come home from work
2. wake up in the morning as a form of greeting
3. not get angry at you when you get drunk
4. still would like to snuggle up to you on cold weather

Care to add anymore, anyone...? :)

I could add more, but people would be throwing up.:sick:
 
Try chaining your wife and dog in a shed overnight in sub zero temperatures, the dog will be happy to see you in the morning! :D
 
That is the difference between a pet and a spouse...

After a few years, your pet will still do the following-

1. happily greet you when you come home from work
2. wake up in the morning as a form of greeting
3. not get angry at you when you get drunk
4. still would like to snuggle up to you on cold weather

Care to add anymore, anyone...? :)

Care to add anymore? Of course! :D

01. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

02. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

03. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

04. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

05. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

06. A dog's parents never visit.

07. Dogs do not hate their bodies.

08. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

09. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

10. Dogs seldom outlive you.

11. Dogs can't talk.

12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.

16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.

20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.

24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And, last but not least:

26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
After all one doesn't buy a dog and barks oneself, does one?
Thank God I finished swallowing my drink before I finished reading this. I would have choked.

:D


P.S. If men behaved a little bit more as the hero's of the bodice ripper romance novels maybe all this trouble with breakfast...and sleeping together wouldn't be such an issue.


...just saying.


[NOTE: I refuse to take any blame if any of you males try this and end up maimed].
 
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Me and the missus went to the Island of Jersey for our honeymoon, we collected our rental car at the airport, a lovely little green Triumph Herald convertible. Even though it was freezing cold (it was end of April) I insisted we had the top down as we drove to our hotel. I dragged the luggage up a crap load of stairs into the hotel reception puffing and panting and signed in, the receptionist asked, "Can we carry your bag upstairs sir?" I glared at him and said, "No let her walk up the stairs by herself!"

And that ladies and gentlemen is a true story, she tells it every chance she gets.
 
lmbo!!!

That is terrible! :)

She is just as bad. One night we went to a medieval evening with lots of "mead" and meats of various sorts, it was brilliant. At the end of the evening the waitress's were clearing the tables when one waitress began to drop a few plates, so being the gentleman I am jumped up and got hold of the plates before they hit the floor. The waitress said to the missus, "Your husband is a treasure," to which the missus replied, "Yea, he should be buried.":cry:
 
She is just as bad. One night we went to a medieval evening with lots of "mead" and meats of various sorts, it was brilliant. At the end of the evening the waitress's were clearing the tables when one waitress began to drop a few plates, so being the gentleman I am jumped up and got hold of the plates before they hit the floor. The waitress said to the missus, "Your husband is a treasure," to which the missus replied, "Yea, he should be buried.":cry:

When it comes to witty comeback, you cannot beat the Brits... they are masters at it... :pirate:
 
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