justin1552
Hurr Durr
If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.
-Sam Kinison
There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
-Sam Kinison
Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the f*** out of everybody!
-Sam Kinison
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-Sam Kinison
Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!
-San Kinison
Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.
-Sam Kinison
I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
-Sam Kinison
John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
-Sam Kinison
YOU F***ING *****!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my ****ing records back!
-Sam Kinison
The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space p***ies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG, *******!
-Sam Kinison
I was MARRIED for TWO F***ING YEARS! Hell would be like Club Med!
-Sam Kinison
There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"
-Sam Kinison
I'm like anyone else on this planet -- I'm very moved by world hunger. I see the same commercials, with those little kids, starving, and very depressed. I watch those kids and I go, “F***, I know the FILM crew could give this kid a sandwich!” There's a director five feet away going, “DON'T FEED HIM YET! GET THAT SANDWICH OUTTA HERE! IT DOESN'T WORK UNLESS HE LOOKS HUNGRY!!!” But I'm not trying to make fun of world hunger. Matter of fact, I think I have the answer. You want to help stop world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don't send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, "You know, we've been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn't BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A F***ING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it's gonna be 100 years from now? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A F***ING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don't live in them, a**holes!"
-Sam Kinison
The Police report said they stabbed this guy 51 times, bludgeoned him in the head with a heavy object 13 times and they shot him twice, so I figure this guy's by the door on the way out going, “YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YET, DO YOU?! YOU HAVEN'T SHOVED A CHAINSAW UP MY *** YET! MY HEAD'S STILL ON MY TORSO!! I'M GLAD YOU F***ERS CAN HANDLE YOUR HIGH!!”
-Sam Kinison
-Sam Kinison
There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
-Sam Kinison
Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the f*** out of everybody!
-Sam Kinison
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-Sam Kinison
Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!
-San Kinison
Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.
-Sam Kinison
I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
-Sam Kinison
John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
-Sam Kinison
YOU F***ING *****!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my ****ing records back!
-Sam Kinison
The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space p***ies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG, *******!
-Sam Kinison
I was MARRIED for TWO F***ING YEARS! Hell would be like Club Med!
-Sam Kinison
There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"
-Sam Kinison
I'm like anyone else on this planet -- I'm very moved by world hunger. I see the same commercials, with those little kids, starving, and very depressed. I watch those kids and I go, “F***, I know the FILM crew could give this kid a sandwich!” There's a director five feet away going, “DON'T FEED HIM YET! GET THAT SANDWICH OUTTA HERE! IT DOESN'T WORK UNLESS HE LOOKS HUNGRY!!!” But I'm not trying to make fun of world hunger. Matter of fact, I think I have the answer. You want to help stop world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don't send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, "You know, we've been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn't BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A F***ING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it's gonna be 100 years from now? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A F***ING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don't live in them, a**holes!"
-Sam Kinison
The Police report said they stabbed this guy 51 times, bludgeoned him in the head with a heavy object 13 times and they shot him twice, so I figure this guy's by the door on the way out going, “YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YET, DO YOU?! YOU HAVEN'T SHOVED A CHAINSAW UP MY *** YET! MY HEAD'S STILL ON MY TORSO!! I'M GLAD YOU F***ERS CAN HANDLE YOUR HIGH!!”
-Sam Kinison
