Retired D.I.




 
--
Boots
 
January 6th, 2005  
AmericanSweetheart
 
 

Topic: Retired D.I.


Your A Retired D.I. If:
1. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
2. When you mention "sugar" you're not talking about a food group.
3. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
4. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
5. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
6. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"
7. You think a Long Island Corny Dog is some form of prohibited sexual act.
8. You have been listed in the Museum of Natural History as a ‘Relic.’
9. Meat, preferably very rare makes your mouth drool uncontrollably in public.
10. When being pulled over by an L.A. Police Officer for a traffic citation you begin your conversation with, ‘Aren’t you one of those sorry SOBs we had to save your ass during the LA riots.”
11. You have battle fatigue syndrome if you don’t regularly watch war movies on T.V.
12. The smell of gun powder and burnt flesh gives you an ‘erection.’
13. People you have trained at Parris Island still fear you and call you “sir.”
14. When applying for Social Security Benefits, you reminded the man evaluating your pension amount that you know 6 different ways to snap a man’s neck.
15. You still wear you dog tags, sleep with a .45 under your pillow, drive a used rebuilt Willy’s Jeep, and have barbed wire on top of your chain link fence around your house.
January 7th, 2005  
rotc boy
 
 

Topic: Re: Retired D.I.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AmericanSweetheart
12. The smell of gun powder and burnt flesh gives you an ‘erection.
thats my favorite

lmao, good one
January 7th, 2005  
Charge 7
 
 
Well, if a vote's being called I'd cast my lot for...

6. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"

So many questions were answered at battery and battalion picnics.
--
Boots
January 8th, 2005  
DTop
 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charge_7
Well, if a vote's being called I'd cast my lot for...

6. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"

So many questions were answered at battery and battalion picnics.
Ain't that the truth Major
January 8th, 2005  
AFSteliga
 
 
hahaha. Very good stuff there.
January 11th, 2005  
AmericanSweetheart
 
 

Topic: Dating the DI's daughter


Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
May 13th, 2005  
Desert_Eagle
 
good jokes
November 8th, 2005  
Rob Henderson
 
 
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

well then...i will now be pulling my pants up.

I must say Ive never dated a D.I.'s daughter....Had dated a Special Forces member's daughter though...I think Ive been through these rules before...
November 13th, 2005  
JulesLee
 
 
wow funnie stuff! XD
November 28th, 2005  
cdent
 
lol i like it ^_^ im going to be a DI hopfully