deerslayer
Milforum Swamp Dweller
A little kid named Billy wanted a new red bicycle for his birthday. So, (and he's a bas*** little kid) Billy goes to his mother and says, "Momma, my birthday's coming up next week, and I'd really love a new red bike."
His mother replies, "Go to your room and write Jesus a letter telling him why you deserve a new bicycle."
Well, he goes into his room and starts off a letter: "Dear Jesus, I'm a wonderful little child, I never do anything wrong, I make good grades..." he read the letter and says, "Nah, he knows better.
Next letter: "I've been a pretty good kid this year, and I don't give my parents too much trouble..." same result.
Next letter: "Jesus, I'm not a very good child. I don't behave myself, I do things I know I'm not supposed to do, and I really don't deserve this. But, if you would send me a new red bike for my birthday, I promise I'll change. Your friend, Billy." Same result.
So he puts on his jacket and tells his mother he's going to church. This is better than I expected, thinks the mother.
It's a Wednesday afternoon, no one's at the altar. Billy goes to the altar, looks around, and prostrates himself before the Virgin Mary on the altar. After checking that no one is in the building with him, Billy slips the statue of Mary into his coat and walks out.
When he gets back, he sneaks up to his room and pens another letter to the Lord: "Dear God, I gotcher momma!"
a friend told me that one while I was riding my horse a few days ago. Nearly fell off laughing.
His mother replies, "Go to your room and write Jesus a letter telling him why you deserve a new bicycle."
Well, he goes into his room and starts off a letter: "Dear Jesus, I'm a wonderful little child, I never do anything wrong, I make good grades..." he read the letter and says, "Nah, he knows better.
Next letter: "I've been a pretty good kid this year, and I don't give my parents too much trouble..." same result.
Next letter: "Jesus, I'm not a very good child. I don't behave myself, I do things I know I'm not supposed to do, and I really don't deserve this. But, if you would send me a new red bike for my birthday, I promise I'll change. Your friend, Billy." Same result.
So he puts on his jacket and tells his mother he's going to church. This is better than I expected, thinks the mother.
It's a Wednesday afternoon, no one's at the altar. Billy goes to the altar, looks around, and prostrates himself before the Virgin Mary on the altar. After checking that no one is in the building with him, Billy slips the statue of Mary into his coat and walks out.
When he gets back, he sneaks up to his room and pens another letter to the Lord: "Dear God, I gotcher momma!"
a friend told me that one while I was riding my horse a few days ago. Nearly fell off laughing.
