Q & A from Hollywood Squares

tomtom22

Chief Engineer
Q: "If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?"
Charley Weaver A: "Three days of steady drinking should about do it."
Q: "True or false, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years?"
George Goebel A: "Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes..."
Q: "You've been having trouble going to sleep, are you probably a man or a woman?"
Don Knotts A: "That's what's been keeping me up."
Q: "Which of the five senses tend to diminish as you get older?"
Charley Weaver A: "My sense of decency."
Q: "Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?"
Paul Lynde A: "Because chiffon wrinkles too easily."
Q: "You've just decided to grow strawberries for the first time, are you going to get any?"
Charley Weaver A: "Of course not. I'm too busy growing strawberries."
Q: "When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?"
Paul Lynde A: "It'll make him bark."
Q: "Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more than one father?"
Paul Lynde A: "Why, that *****!"
Q: "If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?"
Paul Lynde A: "Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark."
Q: "It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?"
Paul Lynde A: "Mine may be abused, but is certainly isn't neglected."
Q: "What do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?"
Charley Weaver A: "A divorcee."
Q: "Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or an elephant?"
Paul Lynde A: "Who told you about the elephant."
Q: "When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?"
Charley Weaver A: "I'll loan him the car, the rest is up to him."
Q: "Do female frogs croak?"
Paul Lynde A: "Only if you hold their little heads under water long enough."
Q: "Imagine that you are a child in your mother's womb, can you detect light?"
Paul Lynde A: "Only during ballet practice."
 
from the simpsons episode where homer bowls a 300 and he gets on hollywood squares
"wait, i dont get it, do i read from the joke page or the answer page?"
 
Hollywood Squares

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde ( minutes later): Loneliness! And the audience laughed for another 1 to 2 minutes.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
 
Q: Are stolen cars ususally recovered?
A (Redd Foxx): I had one re-covered in zebra once.

Q: You are the first bag of M&Ms. Do you have nuts?
A: (Triumph The Insult Comic Dog): [gasps and drops cigar, followed by huge pause, audience in stitches] Yes, yes, I do have nuts, but you can only fit two in a package. [at this point audience loses it]
 
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