Prayers for my mom, please.

AZ_Infantry

AZ_Infantry

Active member
Prayers for my mom, please. UPDATE page 2 - mom passed

This will be a little long, so bear with me...

For those of you that don't know, I take care of my elderly mother (she's 68), and when she retired I moved her into my home. She's an 8-year Navy veteran. She was a nurse, and as they were transporting a patient via ambulance one day they were 'T-boned'. My mom broke 27 bones in her back and hips. They said she'd never walk again. They were wrong. She's a VERY strong and independent lady.

2 months ago I returned home (Phoenix, AZ) from a job I was doing in California. I noticed that my mom was acting kind of... sluggish. She just wasn't hopping around like she usually does. Her normal jovial mood seemed to be a facade, rather than the sincere happiness she normally exudes.

Several weeks ago, she was complaining of pain in her left hip. She needed to hold on to walls to get around. She was sleeping a LOT. Late one night she woke me up and said the pain was just too much, that she wanted to go to the hospital. She could hardly move. I called 911 and she was transported to the hospital. They diagnosed her with acute pain from her injury in the Navy, gave her some Percoset and instructions to follow up with her PCP (VA Hospital) in a week and sent her home.

There was blood on her nightgown and on the bed. The paramedics couldn't find any injury in the area (ribcage), and mom said she thought it was from where the cat had scratched her.

Things got REAL bad after that. She was sleeping almost 24 hours a day. She could hardly move. I thought it was from the medication at first, but it was getting worse - it should have been getting better as she adjusted to the meds.

She stopped eating and drinking. I woke her up to take her blood pressure medication, but after only a couple of days I couldn't even get her to do that. I took a leave of absence from work so I could take care of her full-time.

Three days after being released from the hospital I once again called 911. She was totally out of it. She couldn't wake up, she was thrashing around in pain, and I couldn't roust her at all. I demanded she be taken to a different hospital, as the last one's diagnosis didn't match the symptoms she was displaying. They concurred.

That was 0800 hours, Saturday the 9th (of this month).

By 2000 hours we had the verdict:

My mom had severely progressed breast cancer. It was in its last stage. The cancer spread from her breasts to her spine, hips, liver, spleen, kidneys and lungs. It is not operable. There is only one prognosis: Let nature take its course.

In accordance with my mom's living will (and what we knew she wanted), my brother and I put aside our differences and signed her DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order Monday morning so that she could get a full regime of pain medicine. Without the DNR, they were limited to .5 mg Dilantin (sp?) because of the risk of respiratory complications. With the DNR they could administer the maximum dose of 1 mg every 3 hours, which would allow her to be comfortable and die in peace.

On Tuesday I met with the folks from Hospice of Arizona. Their assessment was the same as the hospital’s: There is no chance of recovery. Their suggestion was to make her as comfortable as possible and let her die in peace. As I have power of attorney, I spoke with my brother and my uncle, her only relatives here in AZ, and we agreed that we'd rather let her pass in peace than try and fight the inevitable. I signed her paperwork that morning and by Tuesday afternoon she was resting in her own private room in a 12-bed Hospice facility.

They are somewhat optimistic that she’ll stabilize enough to come home and die here, in my home surrounded by her things and her cat. She’d like that. They’ll provide around the clock care for her.

I can’t say enough about these Hospice folks. They are a Godsend. In her current facility, they have a bed so I can stay the night with her. They let me bring her cat to see her. They allowed me to hang her stuff up on her walls so as her special awareness returns she’ll see the things she loves the most – a picture of her deceased husband, her Rosary, this stupid little plastic Panda Bear I bought her when I got my first job at 12 that she’s had on display all this time… The picture of her grandsons she cherishes.

My uncle and I visited her in her new Hospice setting, and she at least recognized us. She was able to say she was thirsty, which is 180 degrees from where she was only a couple days ago. She was able to tell us that she wasn’t in pain.

Everything happened so suddenly, just as it did with my stepfather. He was alive Friday, dead Monday, from the same thing: Cancer. My mom hasn’t passed yet, but it is but a matter of time. A short matter of time.

My brother and I knew she had breast cancer, but we did NOT know she refused medical treatment for it when she was diagnosed some 2 years ago. The nurse tells us that she sees it often, as parents don’t like to worry their children and are usually comfortable to die and be with those that have gone before them.

So I’m asking for your prayers. Not that she receive some miracle, as she wants to let go and pass – I will honor her in that respect and allow her to go. No, I only ask that the Lord help her stabilize enough that she can pass here, surrounded by the things she knows and loves. No matter how nice her Hospice room, it ain’t HERS.

Please pray for the Lord’s will. Honor her as a veteran and an asset to this earth. She was the best parent ever. When my dad was busy drinking, she was walking to work and working two jobs just to make ends meet. She never had a selfish bone in her body.

She will be buried next to both of her husbands in the local VA cemetery. If I am able, I will ensure she receives full military honors.

I love you mom, and I miss you. This world is a sad place without you, but it is Heaven’s gain. Go when you are ready, with our blessing. We will meet again in the arms of Christ, at the feet of God.
 
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Well AZ,... you are well aware that I'm an atheist, however I would like to let you know that my deepest and most heartfelt thoughts are with your Mother and her family at this time.

I'll be thinking of you, and hoping that it helps in some small way to lessen your grief.
 
Over here we have been praying for your mother and you.
I knew her as I have been over at AZ's house and she was a wonderful woman and I am very upset at the news that she will have to leave this world. She was a wonderful lady with a lot of love for her son. I will miss her dearly.
I guess this is why many of us believe in divinity. I am sure she will be at a better place than this crazy little world.
 
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AZ, that is probably the strongest manifestation of love that I have ever read and one of the deepest experiences I have ever heard of. Touched me a lot. Your mom sounds very similar to mine, she can't live without her cats.
I'm with you man.

The Italian Guy.

On a side note, you may want to move this to the Registered Members section, probably.
 
My whole heart goes out to you and your brother.

This happened in our family (though with Leukemia) with my Nana a few years ago. My dad and his siblings also signed the DNR, as it was my Nana's wish. This was a really hard read...it brought up a lot of memories.

It's so hard letting them go...even if one knows they are going to a better place it doesn't lesson the pain that they aren't here anymore. :(

(((Hugs)))

I'll keep you all in my prayers.
 
senojekips said:
Well AZ,... you are well aware that I'm an atheist, however I would like to let you know that my deepest and most heartfelt thoughts are with your Mother and her family at this time.

I'll be thinking of you, and hoping that it helps in some small way to lessen your grief.
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Thank you, Seno. Yes, I know you're an atheist. Your warm thoughts are every bit as needed as prayer, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It doesn't lessen the grief per se, but that I am not alone does comfort.

Thank you, my friend. Thank you very much.



the_13th_redneck said:
Over here we have been praying for your mother and you.
I knew her as I have been over at AZ's house and she was a wonderful woman and I am very upset at the news that she will have to leave this world. She was a wonderful lady with a lot of love for her son. I will miss her dearly.
I guess this is why many of us believe in divinity. I am sure she will be at a better place than this crazy little world.
Click to expand...

Thank you, my very dear friend. Yes, you knew my mom. She is all you claim and so much more. All she ever thought about was others.

When it is time for final goodbyes, I'd like you to be here. She'd like that. I am trying for a full military funeral, though I have no idea where to start.



Italian Guy said:
AZ, that is probably the strongest manifestation of love that I have ever read and one of the deepest experiences I have ever heard of. Touched me a lot. Your mom sounds very similar to mine, she can't live without her cats.
I'm with you man.

The Italian Guy.

On a side note, you may want to move this to the Registered Members section, probably.
Click to expand...

Thank you, TIG. I don't feel it needs to be moved, as here it will receive more attention - thus, more prayers for mom. The more the better, IMO.

I miss her dearly. I cannot think of a better, more selfless person. She deserves the honor to be thought of as much as possible.



pixiedustboo said:
My whole heart goes out to you and your brother.

This happened in our family (though with Leukemia) with my Nana a few years ago. My dad and his siblings also signed the DNR, as it was my Nana's wish. This was a really hard read...it brought up a lot of memories.

It's so hard letting them go...even if one knows they are going to a better place it doesn't lesson the pain that they aren't here anymore. :(

(((Hugs)))

I'll keep you all in my prayers.
Click to expand...

Thank you, Sarah. I really appreciate it.
 
Sorry to hear about your mom's condition -- she sounds like an incredible woman, and it sounds like you're doing the best you can for her and making all the correct decisions.

AZ_Infantry said:
I am trying for a full military funeral, though I have no idea where to start.
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Try your state's division of military affairs (NY calls it the Division of Military and Naval Affairs, NJ calls it the Department of Military and Veterans Affairs), which oversees the National Guard units. A lot of them have an honor guard and you can request their services.

EDIT: Arizona calls it the Department of Emergency and Military Affairs. http://www.azdema.gov/

EDIT #2: found the form to request an honor guard here -- email or call the POC on the form, see what they can do.
 
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I'm really sorry to hear that, AZ, but she will be in heaven with no pain and cancer. May God bless her soul. I'm with you, AZ.
 
There's not a lot I can say but how sorry I am for your loss and that of course, she will be in my parishes prayers that she pass swiftly and where she belongs... AT HOME. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and it's not always clear why he hurts the ones we love the most, but I can guarantee that she will be much better off once she's gone. In some ways, I envy her. I only wish she hadn't had to deal with so much pain, both her pain, and having to watch her boys suffer. It's a terrible thing, but it'll all be ok.
 
God Bless AZ's Momma and AZ. God be with her in her time of need and after.

O God, great and omnipotent judge of the living and the dead, we are to appear before you after this short life to render an account of our works. Give us the grace to prepare for our last hour by a devout and holy life, and protect us against a sudden and unprovided death. Let us remember our frailty and mortality, that we may always live in the ways of your commandments. Teach us to "watch and pray" (Lk 21:36), that when your summons comes for our departure from this world, we may go forth to meet you, experience a merciful judgment, and rejoice in everlasting happiness. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
 
There simply aren't words for times like these. :( Thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom. I'm so sorry. :(
 
I am so very sorry to hear about your mothers condition AZ, I'll be praying for you and your family. May god bless ya'll and be with ya'll.

Your mother sounds like a very nice woman and I wish that I were able to meet her.
I respect the way you talk of your mom, it is very sweet and i can tell that you care for her dearly. May she pass on in peace and be with the Lord Christ our savior.

Ya'll are in my thoughts and if ya ever need anything im here for ya *hugs* Ya'll will make it through this, time can only heal the pain that this is causing you but i have faith in God and you. He will accompany you through this time of need
 
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I pray for you to my God.


And you have my thoughts with you... I hope your mother's passing is painless and swift.
 
My condolences to you and your family, may your wishes come true. I hope everything works out for you in this time of need.

Life is so short and man I so don't want to get old!
 
AZ - your expression of the love and respect you have for your wonderful mother leaves me searching for words of any consequence, you have said it all already. What you received from her was unconditional love, and you don't get that anywhere else. Now in her hour of need she finds herself enveloped in the pride and affection you show her. She is surely blessed in that respect , she knows how you feel about her.

We will pray for her and for you and your family, here, and I will always remember the accolade you bestowed upon your mother . What better could any man do?

God bless your dear mother and your family and God bless you AZ.
 
My thoughts and prayers are with your Mom and with you AZ and your family. I'm sure your Mom appreciates all that you're doing for her.
God Bless you all in this most trying of times.
 
I would like to thank everyone for their warm and generous responses.

I spent my last moments with my mom Thursday night. I packed up my DVD player, her cat and her favorite movie (Ice Age – mom, like me, is a sap for cheesy kids’ movies) and stayed the night at the Hospice with her. She gave no sign that she recognized her cat, the movie or me. But I let the movie play over and over all night let her cat have free movement in her room.

I prayed over her and told her that she had my blessing to leave this plane of existence when she was ready. She was released from worry over my brother and me.

Theresa Diane – Terry to her friends – passed away Saturday, 16 Aug 2008 at approximately 0645 hours. She was surrounded by family and passed peacefully. I did not attend when the Hospice called announcing her last few hours on the big blue marble. I wanted her to pass without worry over me or how her death would affect me. I knew I would not be able to withhold the tears had I gone – this is a decision I will doubtfully question for the rest of my life, but I feel I did the right thing deep down.

My younger brother, 2 brothers, a sister, her cat, and myself survive Terry.

Theresa Diane G. was born 21 April, 1940. At age 18, she joined the Seminary and served the Catholic Church as a nun for 4 years. At 22, she joined the Navy and was subsequently discharged 8 years later when an accident in an ambulance left her incapable of maintaining Navy physical standards. She married my father, John Richard H., and in 1970 I was born. 2 years later, John and Terry gave birth to my brother, John. Our father died in 1984, and she remarried in 1991. Her second husband, George Allen G. passed away from cancer in 1998.

Terry lived a life few of us would be saddened by to call our own. Her tenacity to help others was second only to her talent and compassion as a mother. She raised her two sons with standards of honor, integrity, and duty to others above duty to self. She instilled in us a firm faith in a loving Creator and a sacrifice made on man’s behalf in Jesus Christ.

I speak about her with reverence because she earned nothing less. Her jovial attitude and rapier-like wit diffused any situation, while her natural ability to mediate the hurts of life affected hundreds of people that were blessed to be provided her compassion. She accepted no thanks for her efforts, choosing instead to encourage others to ‘pay it forward’ and follow her kindness with kindness of their own towards another.

Even in her last days, mom struggled to hold on – most likely out of fear of how John and I would take it. How do I know this? Because that is the spirit she’s always had: Others before self. It’s how she lived her life. And it’s how she’d like to be remembered. I promised her that I would memorialize her by remembering all of her attributes – far too many to put pen to paper to, and likely even I am not privy to the fullness of her giving – and not focus on her death, that she was free to go be in Heaven. I am honoring that promise, though I admit this is harder then I thought it would have been.

Hers was a soul filled with both passion and compassion. Intelligent and witty, her humor shone through in the darkest of times. She will be missed more than I can possibly articulate. She watched her boys grow into men with little to no help, never complaining. When times got tough, she got tougher. Life tried to beat her on several occasions, but life can’t take an overcoming spirit. Her confessed pride was when I turned Blue (graduated Infantry Basic Training), and upon reflection I am able to see that her pride was one of completely unselfishness. She was proud of the man I had become, not the man she shaped.

That’s how mom was: Taking credit for anything was unthinkable to her. She gave all glory to God and refused to accept thanks for her involvement.

I’d like to share a passage with you, one I feel appropriate for this time, only 30 minutes past her death.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!”

“Gone where?”

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout:

“Here she comes!”

And that is dying.

- Henry Van Dyke

I love you mom, and I miss you very much. I will see you on the other side. Our loss is God’s gain, and I wish you eternal pace and tranquility as you sit with the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, embraced in Their arms just as I once embraced you in my inadequate ones.

This world is a sadder place without you. But our loss is overshadowed by all those who gained from your time here.

Please tell my father and George that I said hi and I love them. Please ask God to forgive me for being so selfish with your time here on earth – you gave all and asked for nothing, and I took all you had to give. I am embarrassed that I am not more like you, and your passing confronts me with my own iniquities.

But like you always had the talent to do without a thought, your dying serves to make me want to be a better person. I don’t feel I have to be, I honestly want to be.

This is my memorial to you, my mother. I will never let a day go by that I fail to do something kind for another in your name, remembering always that the glory goes to God while I seek out your path. I can think of no better person short of Christ Himself to emulate.

You have my love. You have my heart. Most of all, you have my deepest and utmost respect. This Army Infantry man salutes you. You are all that is good in this world, all that is pure and holy. All I could ever aspire to be.

I promise to take care of my brother and your cat. I promise that I will never forget you. And I promise that I will wake every morning thanking God for the time He provided us here with you.

You will never be forgotten. I love you.



If any of you can take anything from my mom's death, then let it be that you reach out to your fellow humans. Avoid judgment, and care for all - even those that don't care for you. Practice random acts of kindness. Do for others with no thought of return.

That is how my mom would want to be honored.
 
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