Pilots and their mechanics




 
--
Boots
 
April 19th, 2005  
Brandy
 

Topic: Pilots and their mechanics


After every flight pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which informs the mechanics about problems encountered during the flight which need correction. The mechanics respond in writing re-their findings on the lower half of the form and the pilot reviews the remedial action before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintainance complaints and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots, and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. 8)

P=problem logged by pilot. S=solution and action taken by engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacment
S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land NOT installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Evidnce of leak on right hand landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volumn inbelievably loud.
S: DME volomn set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause the throttle levers to stick.
S: Thats what friction locks do.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspect crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handls funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel - sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
April 19th, 2005  
LIPS
 
 
Heard it before, but still funny no matter how many times I read it.
April 20th, 2005  
Redleg
 
 
Got almost the same version here as well:
http://www.military-quotes.com/jokes/stories.htm

Still a great one..
--
Boots
April 20th, 2005  
Charge 7
 
 
Thanks for pointing out that link, Redleg. I especially liked the General Reinwald bit.
April 22nd, 2005  
Warwick
 
I reckon that sheet does the rounds of all the airforces.
Just goes to show, you can teach a monkey to fly but the real skill is keeping the kite serviceable.
Damn shame its officers that fly these days. Would have loved to have served when pilots had Sgts and Fsgts rank, ie the battle of Britain etc.
April 22nd, 2005  
Themrose89
 
good, joke, and yea whats with the lt's. and cptns. flying only?
April 22nd, 2005  
Charge 7
 
 
In the US you could always be a Warrant Officer if being a LT, CPT etc. is something you'd rather not do. Of course, you couldn't be one in the Air Force. They got rid of their Warrants decades ago.
April 24th, 2005  
AFSteliga
 
 
I've seen those before, but they're good every time.
April 25th, 2005  
Desert_Eagle
 
What do you expect? People care a helluva alot more about pilots than mechanics. They have to have some fun.
April 27th, 2005  
AmericanSweetheart
 
 
Thats great!