Non military but fun.




 
--
Boots
 
June 25th, 2004  
Italian Guy
 
 

Topic: Non military but fun.


Read it was voted the best joke in the world.

The Voice Of God In Las Vegas


Jitender
The Voice of gawd

A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice. The voice tells him, "QUIT YOUR JOB, SELL YOUR HOUSE, TAKE YOUR MONEY AND GO TO VEGAS."

The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice. The next day when he gets home from work, the samething happens. The voice tells him, " QUIT YOUR JOB, SELL YOUR HOUSE, TAKE YOUR MONEY AND GO TO VEGAS."

Again the man ignores the voice, though he is very troubled by the event. Every day, day after day, the man hears the same voice when he gets home fro work, " QUIT YOUR JOB, SELL YOUR HOUSE, TAKE YOUR MONEY AND GO TO VEGAS."

Each time the man hears the voice he becomes increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbs to the pressure.... believing the voice to be that of God. He does quit his job, sells his house, takes his money and heads to Vegas.

The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "GO TO HARRAH'S CASINO." He hops in a cab and rushes ove to Harrah's. As soon as he sets foot in the casino, the voice tells him, "GO TO THE ROULETTE TABLE." The man does as he is told. When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "PUT ALL YOUR MONEY ON 17."

Nervously, the man cashes in his money or chips and then puts them all on 17. The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball goes. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number . . . 21. The voice says...... "DAMN!"
June 25th, 2004  
Darkmb101
 
and so speaks the voice of gawd
June 29th, 2004  
lil Lt
 
Guess God's not friends w/ lady luck huh?
--
Boots
June 29th, 2004  
lil Lt
 
Guess God's not friends w/ lady luck huh?
June 29th, 2004  
Italian Guy
 
 
Yeah, seems like lady luck's one of the very few things He's not too good at ( along with filling the world with jerks like Moore ).
July 6th, 2004  
thebrahmagr81
 
 
You gotta do these outloud to somebody it is not as funny reading.

Step 1: Have u friend pick a number between 1-100, but tell them not to say it outloud.
-Okay say they pick 56-
Step 2: Tell them to add 10
-so that would make it 66.
Step 3: Then have them subtract 2.
-would make it 64-
Step 4:Then the last step is subtract the orginal number that you chose so it is
64-56 which would be 8...
Step 5: so after you have them do all those steps tell you got 8 right? No matter what number you do this with the number ends up being 8.
July 6th, 2004  
thebrahmagr81
 
 
Here is another one:
Have a friend repeat these group of letters back as a word like twa sounds like twah when you say it and when they get to two see if they say two or twoe. Hope that makes sense it is funnier if you do it in person

twa is twha
twi is twi
twe is twee
two is ?
July 7th, 2004  
thebrahmagr81
 
 
12 Shots

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."
July 7th, 2004  
thebrahmagr81
 
 
Give Me A Double

So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me two beers."
The bartender obliges him.

The guy looks into his wallet and says, "Give me two more beers."

So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.

So the bartender asks, "What's in your wallet that you keep looking at?"

So the man opens his wallet and says, "The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets."
July 7th, 2004  
thebrahmagr81
 
 
Bear in Bar

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.''
The bear replies, ''If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there.''

The bartender says, ''Go ahead.''

So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs.''

''What do mean,'' says the bear. ''I'm not on drugs.''

''Yes, you are, that was the barbituate.''