My Poem




 
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June 18th, 2005  
ghost457
 
 

Topic: My Poem


i actually wrote this poem for English class, what do you guys think?


Teardrops


Booming
Thundering
Crying

I can taste my fear
the whizz of Death past my ear
a scream, a shout, a plea close by
I feel the sadness as God begins to cry

I feel the teardrop touch my heart
the feelings I wish I could impart
as the teardrops fall, I fight
for the life of my own
for the love I have known
for the things I have done
all for the tears of the Sun
July 11th, 2005  
ghost457
 
 
does anybody have any feedback on my poem? good? bad? dumb? FYI, i was supposed to go to the Young Authors Awards Banquet kinda-thig becuase of this poem, but i wanna know what you guys think, and if you dont like it, say so. thats why i posted it here.
July 13th, 2005  
behemoth79
 
 
i like the poem but i have some suggestions.
1. dont use the word whizz. (is it a word?)
2. i think this would flow better.

change
for the love I have known
for the things I have done
all for the tears of the Sun

to
for the love I have once known
for the things that I have done
all for the tears of the Sun

just my input. take it or leave it.
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July 17th, 2005  
ghost457
 
 
thanks, actually that does sound better, i appreciate that. anyone else?