Missileer
Active member
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) Very well dressed. Hair well
groomed. Great looking suit Flower in his lapel.
Smelling slightly of a good after shave
Presenting a well looked-after image
Walks into an upscale cocktail lounge
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over Sits alongside of her.
Orders a drink
Takes a sip
Turns to her and says.
"So tell me, do I come here often?"
<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to see a Ophthalmologist. The doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear
again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!"
<<<<<<< <<<<<<< <<<<<<<
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under
a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know
you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naaa, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!
"Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
$4,000.00 it's state of the art and perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days
later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young
woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
said,
"You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
careful.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. He pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split.
The waitress asked kindly,
"Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
groomed. Great looking suit Flower in his lapel.
Smelling slightly of a good after shave
Presenting a well looked-after image
Walks into an upscale cocktail lounge
Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over Sits alongside of her.
Orders a drink
Takes a sip
Turns to her and says.
"So tell me, do I come here often?"
<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to see a Ophthalmologist. The doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear
again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!"
<<<<<<< <<<<<<< <<<<<<<
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under
a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know
you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naaa, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!
"Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
$4,000.00 it's state of the art and perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days
later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young
woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
said,
"You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
careful.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. He pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split.
The waitress asked kindly,
"Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
