Team Infidel
Forum Spin Doctor
Fayetteville (NC) Observer
June 15, 2008 By Hillary Kraus, Staff writer
Keith Vollert won’t be celebrating Father’s Day in traditional fashion today.
No card propped up on the kitchen table. No favorite breakfast food prepared with love. No reservations at a crowded restaurant.
Vollert, a U.S. Army Reserve major in the 391st Engineer Battalion (Forward), based in Greenville, S.C., is at extended combat training in Fort McCoy, Wis., for 21 days.
Vollert’s wife, Kathy — mother of the couple’s only child — is in Iraq.
Their 5-year-old son, John, is being cared for by his paternal grandparents in Pinetop, Ariz., during Vollert’s training.
If not for the training, Vollert would be home caring for John alone. His wife is scheduled to return in January, leaving Vollert with jobs more often done by women.
Now, cooking, cleaning and arranging for play dates with John are all on Vollert’s parenting plate.
“I have a much better appreciation of all the single parents out there,” he said from the family’s three-bedroom home in Lillington. “And I’m only a single parent for a year.”
Vollert is among the many men who have taken on the title of “Mr. Mom,” or, in the case of men with a deployed wife, “Mr. Military Mom.”
The Army doesn’t track the number of husbands whose wives are deployed, said Paul Boyce, Army public affairs specialist at the Pentagon. However, he said, more than 20,000 registered soldiers are in the Army’s married-couple program. Sixty percent of the Army’s personnel is married.
Fort Bragg is amply represented by fathers with deployed wives.
The exact number is not known, said Tom McCollum, public affairs officer for the post.
What is known is that men being left alone to take care of the kids are getting the job done in various ways.
Vollert, an independent computer consultant, has the convenience of working from home.
Field grade officers Sydney Smith and Tim Gilhool hired a live-in nanny to help with their two young children.
“You do your best,” said Gilhool, whose wife has been gone a year. “You can’t be the mom. Like planning birthday parties, combing Molly’s hair, putting in the braids, shopping for girlie stuff. You do the best you can, you get advice.”
Charles DeVito-Cromwell, who retired from the 187th Infantry Regiment at Fort Campbell, Ky., felt the need to reach out to other men during his wife’s four-month deployment in 2007. He helped form a program through Army Community Services at Fort Bragg called Rear ‘D’ Dads.
The volunteer-run support group, which meets monthly, is designed to help men with deployed wives get information ranging from finding jobs to finding out about social events.
The Vollerts, both 43, have been doing the dual-military family shuffle since marrying in May 1989. It became a more complex ordeal with the birth of their son.
“Single parents have to take care of their kids 24-7,” Keith Vollert said. “When you’re a couple, you can say, ‘If my wife wants to go shopping, I can watch my son.’ It gives her time to do things herself. When you’re a single parent, you don’t have that option.”
When people ask young John where mom is, the talkative boy usually answers “Fort Bragg,” not Iraq.
His dad understands why.
“Part of it is how small kids come up with their own ways of looking at the world,” Vollert said. ‘Daddy’s Army is in South Carolina. Mommy’s is Fort Bragg.’”
Hop-scotching between locations has been the norm for the Vollerts . They were married four years before they spent 30 consecutive days together. Kathy Vollert, also in the Reserves, is a lieutenant colonel assigned to the U.S. Army Civil Affairs and Psychological Operations.
Since their son was born, the Vollerts’ tours overlapped for four months in 2005.
“Obviously, we weren’t happy about it, not being with our son” Keith Vollert said. “However, we’ve both been in the Reserves a long time. We both know the risk that this could happen. It’s not something you can control.”
The Vollerts’ daily routine begins around 7 a.m., about an hour before Keith Vollert drops off his son at a Lillington day care.
One day in May, when Keith Vollert returned to pick him up, John raced to the family’s SUV and explained to two unfamiliar passengers that it was his “Hummer.”
An elaborate wooden swing set — complete with rock-climbing wall — in the family’s backyard is known as John’s “post-deployment present.”
“Emotionally, it probably gets to her (Kathy Vollert) more, but everybody’s different. Mothers probably feel more emotional about being away,” Keith Vollert said. “But that’s probably a horrible generalization.”
What “gets to her,” Kathy Vollert said through an e-mail, are the little things.
“Emotionally, it is very hard,” she wrote. “He is continuing to grow and develop as a person. The difference is very evident when talking to him and when I receive pictures of him.”
Stay-at-home dad
Working from home eases the single-parent juggling act, Keith Vollert said.
“With a 5-year-old, you can’t just take an hour and mow the lawn and let the kid play in the house by himself. I can do it during the week when he’s at day care.”
An engineer with the N.C. Department of Transportation, Kathy Vollert is returning home next month for two weeks of rest and relaxation. Her deployment is set to end in November, in time for John’s sixth birthday.
Any changes, and Keith Vollert will be in charge of organizing a birthday party for the first time.
“I have no clue,” he said. “I’m going to talk to one of my friends who has kids and ask what do you do.”
Dinner at 1800 hours
Tim Gilhool will have logged 14 months of being a single dad by the time his wife is scheduled to return from Iraq next month. The couple, both 37, have a 6-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter.
Smith, a major with the 307th Brigade Support Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, is on her second deployment since her children were born.
On two other occasions, both parents were away from home for extended periods, either in Iraq or in support of other deployments. They’ve been shuffling between deployments for more than three years.
“We sort of expected this, but it doesn’t make it any easier,” Gilhool said. “But when we got back to the ‘real’ Army (rather than non-deployable jobs), we knew it was going to be ‘Game on.’”
Gilhool has hired a nanny who makes dinner about four days a week. She also does the children’s laundry and “keeps the house from descending into utter chaos.”
Gilhool also uses a cleaning service twice a month.
“I’m not solo, but the nanny is not the parents,” he said. “There’s only one person who’s in charge.”
Gilhool is the one who answers all the questions when his wife is away.
“Obviously, their parents have left them for an extended period of time. You know, there is a fear of, when is mommy and daddy going to go away next?,” he said. “I tell them, ‘Mommy is over there trying to help people, but there are some bad guys over there. But mommy’s got 3,500 paratroopers over there with her.’”
There’s also handling the “what-if” questions.
“They ask, ‘What if mommy dies? What if you die? Who’s going to take care of us if you go away?’”
Gilhool said he reassures his kids that they have an extended family who “loves them more than anything in the world.”
Gillhool said Father’s Day will be spent unwinding after another hectic week.
“The kids have made some stuff that they haven’t done a very good job of hiding,” he said. “At some point in the day they’ll be excited and bring it to me.”
June 15, 2008 By Hillary Kraus, Staff writer
Keith Vollert won’t be celebrating Father’s Day in traditional fashion today.
No card propped up on the kitchen table. No favorite breakfast food prepared with love. No reservations at a crowded restaurant.
Vollert, a U.S. Army Reserve major in the 391st Engineer Battalion (Forward), based in Greenville, S.C., is at extended combat training in Fort McCoy, Wis., for 21 days.
Vollert’s wife, Kathy — mother of the couple’s only child — is in Iraq.
Their 5-year-old son, John, is being cared for by his paternal grandparents in Pinetop, Ariz., during Vollert’s training.
If not for the training, Vollert would be home caring for John alone. His wife is scheduled to return in January, leaving Vollert with jobs more often done by women.
Now, cooking, cleaning and arranging for play dates with John are all on Vollert’s parenting plate.
“I have a much better appreciation of all the single parents out there,” he said from the family’s three-bedroom home in Lillington. “And I’m only a single parent for a year.”
Vollert is among the many men who have taken on the title of “Mr. Mom,” or, in the case of men with a deployed wife, “Mr. Military Mom.”
The Army doesn’t track the number of husbands whose wives are deployed, said Paul Boyce, Army public affairs specialist at the Pentagon. However, he said, more than 20,000 registered soldiers are in the Army’s married-couple program. Sixty percent of the Army’s personnel is married.
Fort Bragg is amply represented by fathers with deployed wives.
The exact number is not known, said Tom McCollum, public affairs officer for the post.
What is known is that men being left alone to take care of the kids are getting the job done in various ways.
Vollert, an independent computer consultant, has the convenience of working from home.
Field grade officers Sydney Smith and Tim Gilhool hired a live-in nanny to help with their two young children.
“You do your best,” said Gilhool, whose wife has been gone a year. “You can’t be the mom. Like planning birthday parties, combing Molly’s hair, putting in the braids, shopping for girlie stuff. You do the best you can, you get advice.”
Charles DeVito-Cromwell, who retired from the 187th Infantry Regiment at Fort Campbell, Ky., felt the need to reach out to other men during his wife’s four-month deployment in 2007. He helped form a program through Army Community Services at Fort Bragg called Rear ‘D’ Dads.
The volunteer-run support group, which meets monthly, is designed to help men with deployed wives get information ranging from finding jobs to finding out about social events.
The Vollerts, both 43, have been doing the dual-military family shuffle since marrying in May 1989. It became a more complex ordeal with the birth of their son.
“Single parents have to take care of their kids 24-7,” Keith Vollert said. “When you’re a couple, you can say, ‘If my wife wants to go shopping, I can watch my son.’ It gives her time to do things herself. When you’re a single parent, you don’t have that option.”
When people ask young John where mom is, the talkative boy usually answers “Fort Bragg,” not Iraq.
His dad understands why.
“Part of it is how small kids come up with their own ways of looking at the world,” Vollert said. ‘Daddy’s Army is in South Carolina. Mommy’s is Fort Bragg.’”
Hop-scotching between locations has been the norm for the Vollerts . They were married four years before they spent 30 consecutive days together. Kathy Vollert, also in the Reserves, is a lieutenant colonel assigned to the U.S. Army Civil Affairs and Psychological Operations.
Since their son was born, the Vollerts’ tours overlapped for four months in 2005.
“Obviously, we weren’t happy about it, not being with our son” Keith Vollert said. “However, we’ve both been in the Reserves a long time. We both know the risk that this could happen. It’s not something you can control.”
The Vollerts’ daily routine begins around 7 a.m., about an hour before Keith Vollert drops off his son at a Lillington day care.
One day in May, when Keith Vollert returned to pick him up, John raced to the family’s SUV and explained to two unfamiliar passengers that it was his “Hummer.”
An elaborate wooden swing set — complete with rock-climbing wall — in the family’s backyard is known as John’s “post-deployment present.”
“Emotionally, it probably gets to her (Kathy Vollert) more, but everybody’s different. Mothers probably feel more emotional about being away,” Keith Vollert said. “But that’s probably a horrible generalization.”
What “gets to her,” Kathy Vollert said through an e-mail, are the little things.
“Emotionally, it is very hard,” she wrote. “He is continuing to grow and develop as a person. The difference is very evident when talking to him and when I receive pictures of him.”
Stay-at-home dad
Working from home eases the single-parent juggling act, Keith Vollert said.
“With a 5-year-old, you can’t just take an hour and mow the lawn and let the kid play in the house by himself. I can do it during the week when he’s at day care.”
An engineer with the N.C. Department of Transportation, Kathy Vollert is returning home next month for two weeks of rest and relaxation. Her deployment is set to end in November, in time for John’s sixth birthday.
Any changes, and Keith Vollert will be in charge of organizing a birthday party for the first time.
“I have no clue,” he said. “I’m going to talk to one of my friends who has kids and ask what do you do.”
Dinner at 1800 hours
Tim Gilhool will have logged 14 months of being a single dad by the time his wife is scheduled to return from Iraq next month. The couple, both 37, have a 6-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter.
Smith, a major with the 307th Brigade Support Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, is on her second deployment since her children were born.
On two other occasions, both parents were away from home for extended periods, either in Iraq or in support of other deployments. They’ve been shuffling between deployments for more than three years.
“We sort of expected this, but it doesn’t make it any easier,” Gilhool said. “But when we got back to the ‘real’ Army (rather than non-deployable jobs), we knew it was going to be ‘Game on.’”
Gilhool has hired a nanny who makes dinner about four days a week. She also does the children’s laundry and “keeps the house from descending into utter chaos.”
Gilhool also uses a cleaning service twice a month.
“I’m not solo, but the nanny is not the parents,” he said. “There’s only one person who’s in charge.”
Gilhool is the one who answers all the questions when his wife is away.
“Obviously, their parents have left them for an extended period of time. You know, there is a fear of, when is mommy and daddy going to go away next?,” he said. “I tell them, ‘Mommy is over there trying to help people, but there are some bad guys over there. But mommy’s got 3,500 paratroopers over there with her.’”
There’s also handling the “what-if” questions.
“They ask, ‘What if mommy dies? What if you die? Who’s going to take care of us if you go away?’”
Gilhool said he reassures his kids that they have an extended family who “loves them more than anything in the world.”
Gillhool said Father’s Day will be spent unwinding after another hectic week.
“The kids have made some stuff that they haven’t done a very good job of hiding,” he said. “At some point in the day they’ll be excited and bring it to me.”