Military Notification of Santa's Visit

5.56X45mm

Milforum Mac Daddy
Subject: Official Command Visit

This office has been informed of an official visit by Gen. Santa Claus to this base on 25 December. The following directives will govern activities of personnel during this visit:

1. No creatures will stir without permission. This will include all native mice. Special stirring permits will be obtained.

2. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours. Uniform for nap: pajamas, cotton, light drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose.

3. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums to dance through their heads.

4. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires. Individual sections will submit stocking-hanging plans to Capt. Kringle by 0800 hours, 22 December.

5. At first sign of clatter from lawn, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate and evaluate cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open shutters and throw open window sashes.

6. Volunteers are needed to drive one sleigh, miniature, and eight [8] deer, rein, tiny, for use of Gen. Claus. Driver must have current roof-top license.

7. Gen. Claus will enter all sections through chimneys. Sections without chimneys will draw a Chimney Simulator from Link Services for use during ceremonies. Requests must be submitted in triplicate.

8. All personnel will be rehearsed in shouting "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night." This shout will be given upon termination of Gen. Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of all section chiefs.

//Signed//
Ebenezer Scrooge, Colonel, USAF, Commander
 
Here is Norad's op order.

OPERATION ORDER 12-06 FOR: OFFICIAL VISIT OF LIEUTENANT GENERAL CLAUS

1. An official staff visit by Lt. Gen. Claus is expected at this
post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all
personnel during the visit:

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes
warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits
for necessary administrative action through the Administration Officer.
Stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and
Policy Office (See Brigade Admin Officer).

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap no
later than (NLT) 2200 hours, 24 Dec. Uniform for the nap will be:
pajamas -- cotton, light-weight, general purpose, olive-green; and cap
-- battle-dress, utilities, Woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the
extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the headquarters
detachment supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all
personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash
Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this
is the "season of giving."

c. Personnel will utilize standard "T"-ration sugar plums for
visions to dance in their heads. Sugar plums are available in "T"-ration
sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice
cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced. "T"-ration sundry packs
can be picked up at the Dining Facility (DFAC) from 0800-1800 24 Dec 06.

d. Stockings -- wool, cushion sole, olive-green -- will be hung by
the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to
avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. First sergeants will
submit stocking handling plans to the S-3, Operations Officer, Training,
prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All Commanders will ensure their
subordinate personnel attending mandatory stocking-hanging safety
classes are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking-hanging by the
Safety Officer (Chief Warrant Officer-5 Dishtowel). Stocking Safety will
be taught 15 Dec 06 at 1900 in the Fest Tent. Stocking Licenses will be
issued at that time. Stockings will be issued out of the Brown & Root
laundry.

e. At first sound of clatter, all personnel will spring from their
racks to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be
taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On
order, Operations Plan (OPLAN)7-97 (North Pole Contingency), para
6-8-A9(3), dated 4 MAR, this office, takes effect to facilitate
shutter-tearing and sash-throwing. Brigade Battle Captain, BDOC
Commander (NOT to be from Judge Advocate General per Army Regulation
27-1) and all Guards will be familiar with procedures and are
responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in the
Field Officer's Quarters (Bldg 9828) prior to the start of official
clatter.

f. Prior to 0001 hours, date of visit, all personnel possessing
Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will
be assigned "wondering eyeball" stations. The Sergeant of the Guard will
ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are
torn and sashes are thrown.

g. The Brigade Logistics Officer, in coordination with the U.S.
Transportation Command (Cin-CTrans) and the Motor Pool, will assign one
each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24A3 and eight (8) reindeer, tiny, for use by
LTG Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator's
license with rooftop permit and evidence of attendance at the winter
driving class stamped on his Department of Army Form 348. Driver must
also be able to clearly shout "On, Dancer! On, Prancer!" etc.

2. LTG Claus will initially enter Bldg 9828 through the day room.
All buildings without chimneys will requisition Chimney Simulator, M6A2,
for use during the visit. Request chimney simulator on Department of
Army Form 2765-1, which will be submitted in four copies to the
Logistics Officers prior to 23 DEC. Personnel will ensure that chimneys
are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas
and Happy New Year!" or "Merry Christmas To All, and To All a Good
Night!" This shout will be given upon termination of the visit.
Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of the Brigade Sergeant
Major. FOR THE COMMANDER

(Signed)
 
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