5.56X45mm
Milforum Mac Daddy
- Down South" means Key West.
- "Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.
- You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
And no-one should be allowed to drive under 70 miles an hour. - Flip-flops are everyday wear.
- Shoes are for business meetings and church.
- No, wait, flip flops are good for church too.
- Socks are only for bowling.
- Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit.
- Tap water makes you vomit.
- Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
- An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
- You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip to Florida.
- You measure distance in minutes.
And no matter where you want to go, it's half an hour away. - You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
- You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
- You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes anyway.
- All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
- A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
- A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
- Your winter coat is made of denim.
Guilty as charged. - You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
Duh! Who can't?! - You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
This is so true. - You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas.
- It's not "pop" or "soda". It's "coke". Even if i's Pepsi.
- Anything under 70 is chilly.
- You've hosted a hurricane party.
- You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides.
- You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.
- You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
- You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and Loxahatchee.
Not to mention Thonotosassa, Ichetucknee and Wewahitchka -- and you know:- Which one is strictly for tourists.
- Which one is best in hot weather.
- Which one means 'two big eyes looking up at the sky'.
- Which one is a rest stop.
- You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself.
- You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
And I'm always glad to see it, because even if I wanted to pull over to pee, there's nothing but guardrailed drainage canals for miles around. - Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the NRA and a confederate flag.
- You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.
Not true. I've never lived in a house with a pool. Why have your own pool when the neighbors have one? - You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
Do I even *know* anyone who can't swim? - You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
- You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important!
And, sadly, that it doesn't work on sea urchins. Ow. - You could swim before you could read.
- You have to drive north to get to The South.
- You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Especially the old Deco stores in South Hialeah and Miami Beach. - Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005
and 1992-1993-1994... - You’ve gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark.
Yup! - You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
- You dread lovebug season.
- You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.
And Andrew. *spit* - You know what a snowbird is and you hate them.
- You know why flamingos are pink.
Hee hee. - You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
And no local festival is complete without a Seminole Indian wrestling a gator. - You were twelve before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.
- you live 15 minutes from the beach, but you never go
- the car behind you honks their horn because you stopped at a red light
- you know you can't get a job without speaking Spanish
- you instinctively buy gallons of water during hurricane season, just in case
- you're so used to craziness that very few things surprise you anymore
- you know never to buy mangos or avocados at a grocery store because you grow them in your backyard
I had a huge mango tree in our backyard and our neighbor had enough avocado trees to bathe in guacamole. We also had a grapefruit tree, a navel orange tree, and a tangerine tree -- until the county came and took them away during yet another citrus canker eradication.
- your shrimp, lobster, and designer purses all come from one place: some guy's trunk in Hialeah
LOL. I've never bought any of these for myself, being a guy and a fisherman before I could drive. - you have to put on the invitations "starts at 2:30pm " when the event really starts at 3:30pm just so people actually get there on time.
Or you've shown up at 7:00pm when the invitation said 7:00pm, and the host was almost as confused as you were.
- You invite friends to "pass by" instead of "come over".
- Nothing you can buy at Starbucks will ever be as sabroso como una colada de café, or as cheap.
- You've pointed at something and asked ¿Quejeso?
- This example makes perfect sense: "I shared a duplex con my familia but other amigos I knew rentaron un efiche. They had to pagar casi the same and had solo one cuarto! Days después I got mi tarjeta con el número del Social and a few semanas later pude landear un better job."
- And even if you don't know proper Spanish, you've learned how to pronounce cafetería, and you know what you'll find in a carnecería, in a mueblería, and in a ferretería.
