Pacific Lure
Active member
[FONT=Verdana,]A man is sitting, reading his newspaper when his wife sneaks up and whacks him real hard on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asks.
"That was for the piece of paper in your trousers pocket with the name Mary Ellen written on it" she replies.
"Don't be silly," he says, "Two weeks ago when I went to the races,
Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
She seems satisfied at this and apologizes.
Three days later, he is again sitting in his chair reading when she
nails him with an even bigger frying pan, instantly knocking him out
cold.
When he comes around he asks: "What was that for?" [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,]
"Your horse phoned!"
[FONT=Verdana,]Two foreign nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the Mother Superior points to a hotdog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hotdogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The Mother Superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?" [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,][FONT=Verdana,]Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"What brings you before the great and powerful Wizard of Oz? What do you want?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly, "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"No problem!" says the Wizard, "Who is next?"
Up steps George Bush Senior sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I've heard its true." says the Wizard. "Consider it done. Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?"
George W. bush steps forward, "Well, I think I need a brain".
"Done" says the Wizard.
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "What brings you to the emerald city?"
"Is Dorothy around?"[/FONT]
[/FONT][/FONT]
"What was that for?" he asks.
"That was for the piece of paper in your trousers pocket with the name Mary Ellen written on it" she replies.
"Don't be silly," he says, "Two weeks ago when I went to the races,
Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
She seems satisfied at this and apologizes.
Three days later, he is again sitting in his chair reading when she
nails him with an even bigger frying pan, instantly knocking him out
cold.
When he comes around he asks: "What was that for?" [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,]
"Your horse phoned!"
[FONT=Verdana,]Two foreign nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the Mother Superior points to a hotdog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hotdogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The Mother Superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?" [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana,][FONT=Verdana,]Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"What brings you before the great and powerful Wizard of Oz? What do you want?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly, "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"No problem!" says the Wizard, "Who is next?"
Up steps George Bush Senior sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I've heard its true." says the Wizard. "Consider it done. Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?"
George W. bush steps forward, "Well, I think I need a brain".
"Done" says the Wizard.
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "What brings you to the emerald city?"
"Is Dorothy around?"[/FONT]
[/FONT][/FONT]
