Marine jokes

Oddball

Active member
Never ask a Gunny...

A young Marine officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Marine and eventually rose to the rank of General. He was however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General was interviewing three Marines for his personal aide. The first was an aviator, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The young officer answered,"Why yes, sir. I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears." The general got very angry at the lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a femaleLieutenant, and she was even better. The General asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She replied, "Well, sir, you have no ears." The General threw her out also.

The third interview was with a Marine Gunny. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined (surprise).

The General wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise, the Gunny said, "Yes sir, you wear contact lenses."

The General was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant Gunny, and he didn't mention my ears. "And how do you know that I wear contacts?" The General asked.

The sharp-witted Gunny replied, "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no freaking ears."

This guy needs to go straight to recruiting duty.

Private Jones was assigned to the Marine induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6,000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

Recruit gone AWOL

As the sun rose over Paris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"

The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."
 
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